Durr Doings

I'm back....

2009-07-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hey..... Just wanted to say that I've been locked out of my blog for a few weeks!!! Anyway, I'll try to get a new one on here soon.
I did need to tell you that Steve will be home Saturday!! He graduates today and passed his last test with a 90. He said it should've been a 100 but he just over thought it.
Ok... I will write more later. :)

Ok.. finally... graduation and the future....

2009-06-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

Ok sorry for the huge gap here. I'll try to just be brief in the wrap up of Steve's graduation and his future. I did have to include this though and mention that Steven was a part of designing the Tshirt for his squadron. His name is at the top of the shirt but you can't really read it. He drew the skull in the middle. So just wanted to share...

His graduation day.... out on the parade field:

Last day we were with him.... awww......

and this is the last time I saw my baby. That's him on the right walking back to his dorm. I've never seen him look so handsome!!!! Killed me letting him go that day......

So anyway, we had to leave Steven at Lackland. We went through a worldwind drive through Austin on the way back (bc I've always wanted to go there) and ate at a restaurant that will live on in my SOUL... Threadgill's. Oh my gosh... the food... but I definitely want to go back to Austin to soak some of it up. Didn't even skim the surface.
Steven was at Lackland until the next day.. then he left for Wichita Falls, Texas to Tech school. I wish I could tell you the big long name of his job, but I can't. He works on jet engines... and other plane engines as well. He says that he works in a building and they bring him the engines to work on. He has done OUTSTANDING in Tech School. His grades are fabulous, he loves it, he's doing great. Steven has always been good with that kind of stuff. He graduates July 16 (we have a big countdown chalkboard at our house. it's 36 days from today!!) and he will be able to come home for about 12 days. Then....
Steven got his assignment about 2 weeks into tech shool. Wow what a rough day. For us and for him.... poor thing. He will be going to Rapid City, SD at the end of July. For possibly 2 years. My poor, southern, homesick baby is going just about as far away as he can!!!! We have researched the town and the base though... It really does sound great. And we've told him that. It's a beautiful place. He will be approximately 20 hours from home. yep. breaks my heart. And he's gonna wind up finding some girl up there.... you watch. Crap. But anyway, that's what happens next for him.
We got this picture from him about a week ago... he'll probably kill me for putting it on here. He's been working out all the time. He's kept his weight down and is starting to build up muscle. This is the first time we've "seen" him since we left him. He looks good!!!!

So, that pretty much finishes up his graduation, our trip to Texas, and his future plans. The next post will be Josh's "resume." Been working on it for a couple of weeks with some help.... it ought to be pretty good!

Our Texas Hotel Experience..... and it was an interesting one.....

2009-05-15T10:48:00.001-07:00

Well I've mentioned that our hotel was in the ghetto. That's because it was. It was on the same exit as the AT&T center in San Antonio (for any of you people out there that know anything about the area). In front of our nice shiny new hotel sat this old hotel.... I'm not sure if it was still in business now or abandoned. Needless to say, it had really creative graffiti all over it. There was some kind of HeadStart like daycare behind the privacy fence in the back and then houses all around. I have a picture out of the back window:
But seriously, you can't really grasp the ghetto-ness of it from this. But let me say this... the hotel was great. The staff was wonderful, and we never felt unsafe. I would stay there again. Really. Ok, maybe.
So just a neighborhood story though... One morning we got up (we had to get up early in the mornings. The military has this whole thing where they like to start events at like 8 and 9 am. I don't really get it but whatever.) and Emily and I were just looking at the weather out the back window. Well lo and behold I catch a glimpse of this come walking out of a house and taking off down the street:
Yep. Just struttin it right on back home at like 7 am on a Saturday morning. Emily, of course, says, " where is she going all dressed up like that this early??" I said, "Well, I don't know," thinking in my head "She's going home honey... she worked hard for the money last night.. so hard for it honey... " Yep. Loved our hotel.

Ok so these two pics are on here because my kids could have just done this the whole trip and been fine. They love hotels. Jay asks me constantly if we can go stay hotels. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm not a great housekeeper (btw... i'm getting much better. seriously. i'm glad my mother can't read this.) but it also has to do with we let him jump on the bed... and the ice machines.... and the snack machines...the pools.... etc etc. So anyway, at nite the children did this dash down the hallway (sure the other guests loved that) to our room with Kirkland remarkably fast on the crutches. And everytime we left the room they drug this ziploc bag of change with them to the snack machines and would swarm all over them like a bunch of little maggots. I mean that affectionately... i got it from my friend Shelly. She meant it affectionately too. So yep, these were the kids favorite pasttimes at the hotel. Along with pitching a fit EVERYDAY that we didn't take them to the pool while NOT understanding that Steven couldn't go swimming and we were here for Steven. OH!! And I ran out of room for pics but I have a picture of these giant Texas shaped waffles that they had for breakfast every morning.... cool! Well, Josh was a very important figure at the hotel so I have to feature him. He made friends with the staff and took off a few years of William's life... or maybe just added some more gray since I'm convinced William will live forver. This pic is of Josh with the toilet paper he got from the front desk.... because we needed it but also because the front desk people would give Josh whatever he wanted because they all knew him by name. Now how did the whole staff know Josh by name?? Well let me tell you a story to wrap up this post.......

One morning while we were there William and Emily got up to go get breakfast like normal. I was still sleeping in the bed... and William knew this. Just sayin. Josh and Jay and Kirkland were watching cartoons. So the next thing I knew I awoke to Emily waking me up and saying "mama!!! do you even know what just happened????"
"no... what?" as I look up and see william carrying in Josh and the breakfast plates with this look of rage...horror... and a feeling MY life is somehow shortened....
So I get a recounting of the story as Josh happily sits down to his Texas waffles and cartoons.
William and Emily get the breakfast. William and Emily get in elevator to come back up to the room. There are a couple of hotel staff... a manager, etc.. on the elevator as well. William, being Mr. Friendly as always, speaks to them.
"How are y'all today? Been busy?"
them: "We have. Have a lost kid upstairs."
William: "oh really?"
them "we do.... on the 3rd floor. What floor are y'all on?"
William: "um, third."
Well, about this time the elevator opens to the 3rd floor. They walk out and at the end of the hall is this big bunch of people with little Joshy standing in the middle.
all the staff and people who found him wandering the hall: "what's your name?"
josh: "I joshy"
All the people: "what's your mommy's name?"
josh: " mommy"
All the stupid people: "what's your daddy's name?"
josh: "daddy"
all the stupid but trying to be helpful people: "what does your daddy call your mommy?"
josh: "mommy" (and he does not... bc that is one of my biggest pet peeves is husband and wives calling each other mama and daddy... wth??)

so anyway, william finds out they've been knocking on doors, etc.... so he rescues little josh who is completely unaffected by the whole thing but enjoyed the fame and brings him in to wake me up. Somehow it was all my fault but I'm still trying to figure that one out......
Ok I'll do a final blog on Steven's actual graduation, where he is now, and what comes next and then we'll get the heck out of Texas. Sorry we've been here so long. Seemed that way to us too!!!! :)

Sightseeing in Texas (part of a series.....)

2009-05-13T07:28:00.001-07:00

We honestly didn't do a whole lot of sight seeing while in San Antonio. San Antonio has always been way up there on my places to go list.... and basically, it still is. Steve just wasn't in mindset to go wandering all around the city looking at stuff. And we wanted to do what Steven wanted to do. We sat in the hotel a lot so he could get on the computer and put on comfortable clothes. We went out to eat some. But we did do a little sight seeing. So here are a few pics: Yes, we went to the Alamo. That is it. Yes, we were very aware BEFORE we went that 1, it was small and 2, it was in the middle of the city. (this is what everyone wanted to tell us before we went. this and oh! are you going to see the Alamo??) So yes, we went to see the Alamo. NO, we did not go in. Do you see all those people to the right of my miserably hot little kids? that's just part of the line. So yeah, we didn't go in. But we have a picture. That counts, right??
And we did go through a courtyard at the Alamo. This is some well there. Everyone else was taking pictures at the thing, so we did. I'm sure it holds some sort of significance.... wish i could tell you what it was!!!! :) I do know that that is one old A tree..... And it was moved there. We like, read a board about it. Hey come on... this is site seeing with 5 kids. Give me a break. We did walk about 30 yards down the Riverwalk to our restaurant. We saw some baby ducks. Couple of things about the Riverwalk: doesn't work real well with wheelchair. people on it love to talk to airmen. i would have liked to have seen a LOT more of it. there are a LOT of people on it. it's not good for people like me that are ADD and like to look at everything and there's stuff everywhere and you have a 5 year old who is close to water and you're paying attention to everything else. There are no rails. I would like to go with no children because they have great drink specials. Ok.

The mall at the end of the Riverwalk. Very impressive. Not fun though. Why, you might ask?? Well, I was there with men and children. And it was crowded. And we were broke. That makes for not a fun time at the mall. Dang it. But it was pretty.
View of Riverwalk from our restaurant. The restaurant was good. Steven bought our lunch. Awww. He wanted a steak and he got one.... it looked good. I can't even remember what I ate. Steve said he had a hard time even enjoying it in some ways though because he was scared of dripping something and because he is so used to gobbling his food down so fast!!!! ha!!!
Ok, so that's all the sightseeing pics. Let's see..... I think I'll do one on the hotel next.

Texas Trip

2009-05-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, yes, this post is about our trip to Texas. And yes, this post is about Steven graduating from the Air Force BMT. So if you're tired of hearing about it, I promise that today or tonight I will also post the one I have been saying I was going to do about all the stuff Josh does too. So you can read this or not!!! :) But I will try to make this one entertaining as well.... that's one of the reasons I've had to wait so long to write it. If I had tried to write it as soon as we got back it would not have been entertaining, it would have been sad.... but since we are removed from the trip and Steven has started Tech school and is doing well, I am doing better. So I can approach this differently.
I am still not understanding how to do blogs with more than 5 pictures... So this might have to be more than one post which, I know... will get all confusing like the Cardy Awards post. Try to follow along. Y'all should be used to me by now. :)
We drove to San Antonio for the graduation. Yes, most of you laughed, told me where the liquor stores were along the way... asked who was taking dramamine (me or kids)....But it really went great. We got there in 13 hours I think? We wanted to leave about 2 or 3 in the morning (yeah right... didn't happen.) But it still went fine. We fixed sandwiches so minimal stopping... We were very impressed with ourselves. I can't remember for sure, but don't think we did much the first nite. Our hotel was in the ghetto, but was brand new. I will probably just do a separate post about the hotel, because it deserves its own... y'all just don't know. So let's go to day two.
This was the day we were going to get to see our baby!!!!!!! And for all of you people that are just now jumping on board and trying to figure out how in the world I have a son that will be 20 in July... just go read the old posts (John Matthews, among others. No, I didn't have a baby when I was in 9th grade and we hid him away and now I've reconnected.)
Anyway, we go to the coin ceremony (don't ask me) and they march all these boys on the little field thingy.... The third picture above is what we KNEW was Steve's squadron. But all of these boys looked alike!!! We took ten pictures of this group of boys but never saw Steve!!!! I told William..."ok, well... we know he lost weight bc those are a bunch of skinny face boys out there!!!" We seriously couldn't tell which was him. Miss Know it All Emily swears she knew... she didn't. Whatever.
Finally, they finished and said the boys could be released when their parents got to them.... I took off!!! I wasn't even sure where he was, but I knew in general what block he was in. I finally saw my son standing there.... I've never seen him look so handsome or broken or... I don't know. I still can't tell you what I saw in those eyes at that moment. Just tears and I saw he was different. Not different bad... just different. I launched into him and just sobbed... I didn't really mean to. I was just so happy!!!! I had been so ready to see my boy. Anyway the rest of the family I left behind caught up with us..... the top two pictures were taken that day.
OK, so top things we noticed about Steven:
1.) He dropped over 20 lbs. in boot camp. He gained muscle.... which he was proud of. (but not as much as he thinks he did!) He does look great though.
2.) the tan line. They have to wear hats every single time they are outside. so he has this sexy tan line which the kids found hilarious:
3.) he was no longer ADD. The boy could sit!!! It was very nice. Matter of a fact, he was very content just to sit with us. He was just about as happy just riding in the truck with us listening to the radio as he was doing anything.
4.) he was aware of EVERYTHING around him. Jay threw a fork or something...I don't know because it was in a busy food court and we missed it and Steven jumped up and ran and picked it up. Someone knocked something over in a store and Steven fixed it. There was a man sitting way back off of where we were walking with a sergeant stripe or something on and Steve stopped and saluted. I was just amazed at how much he NOTICED.
5.) My son has made the decision to grow up at 19. He had to realize that weekend that his life, for the most part, in Starkville, is over. He had to realize that this is his career path. This is life now, not college and a stepping stone. This is it. The real thing. And while I know that Steve doesn't regret a thing, that weekend was hard for all of us. That's a big realization he had to come to that weekend. He's still a baby... or was. My son grew up.... almost all that weekend and those weeks in BMT. I love him so much... No, I didn't birth him. Instead, I earned the right to be his mother. And I love him in some ways even more fiercely because of that. And to watch him go through the things I watched him go through emotionally that weekend almost did me in. I shed way more tears than he did.... but I tried to do them after he would go back to the dorm. When he would talk to us about them, I felt so privileged to share that with him. It was so hard for me to let him go back to the hard, unfeeling, no-mama land of the Air Force every night. Everything I suffered through too.... feeling like we were abandoning him. Wondering if he thought we thought we were just "done" in our raising of him. Realizing I would have Easter without one of my "chicks" in the nest.
Ok I'm getting too sappy. I'm sorry. Ick. Said I would try not to do that!!! Ok I'm going to just do another post of sightseeing with Steven and the kids. Get off of this emotional crap! :)

Slacking....

2009-04-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

Ok I know I have seriously been slacking on my blog. And it's not from lack of material because I have tons. I have the "Things Josh has Done to our House" blog.... the "Durrs go to Texas" blog..... "Easter with the Durrs" blog.... there are lots I can do. It's just that it takes me a good 30 mins or more to write them and you see, my house is a wreck. It stays a wreck. Because I'm never in it. I am always running, running, running. I am following kids here and there or doing stuff at church. But don't get me wrong, I LOVE it. Working at church makes me so happy. I love that God has brought my family and I to Calvary. The people there mean so much to us.... and I adore them and what their visions are and how much everyone there loves God and loves others.... and I love being a part of it. I love that God knew that I needed them when they needed me.
Grant preached yesterday about knowing that because God was over his life he knew that even though there would be uncertainity that there was always a plan bigger than ours. And he is so right!!!! In all of the times in my life where I was like, "what in the crap??" at some point later I was like, "ok!!! so that's what was going on!!" So right now I will confess I'm not sure what the plan is. Algebra has really thrown a kink in my whole college career. And I don't really want to be a teacher anyway. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Well, actually I have a few ideas, but have no idea if any of them will ever come to fruition. But I know that no matter what, God's looking out for me and that He has a plan. So I'm holding out, doing what I KNOW He wants me to be doing now because He keeps showing me and that eventually, it'll all work out. I've just never worried that much and I guess it's just that.... My faith in God has never really waivered, no matter what some might think. That part of me has always been strong even when the rest of me has been weak. He keeps me strong no matter what. Even when I don't do the best job of showing it, He's been my best friend since I was 9 years old in my training union class because He loves me JUST LIKE I AM. He knows that I have flaws and I'm kinda crazy sometimes but he also knows how much I love Him!
So I appreciate Grant reminding me that I can relax.... keep up the pace... keep doing what I'm in place and have been called to do (using my gifts for Him) and he will work out the rest.
Ok... I'll do one of those good funny blogs soon. The other thing I meant to say before I started preaching was that William says I'm online too much and don't clean enough so I have to figure out when I can take that 30 - 45 mins to write one of those blogs with pictures and everything!!! ha!!!!

Coffee Queen

2009-02-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

In the past couple of years or so I have built what I call my "corner." It has my coffee pot, my coffee canisters my mom gave me, my very first (years ago, and ONLY) oil pastel canvas, and a couple of other things that make me very happy in it. It has the Starbucks French press Uncle Steve bought me in Oxford that has saved me so many times. It has a couple of things that Tamar has given me that are very "me" so had to be in the "me" corner... a canvas that says "Be careful or you will end up in my novel." and a little plaque that has various little cute things on it but also a quote she found by Dave Matthews (HELLO!) that says "you lean on me and i'll lean on you and we'll be ok" which is very true for me and Mar. And also in my corner is a funny canvas that Emily painted me that says "mama mama mama" she said she painted because that's all I hear! I also have a hilarious piece of "Delta art" that is a cross made out of beer caps bought at Cat Head studios (is that right Tamar or Anna??) I had to have it... A recent inclusion is the monstrosity of a bread box that had awful avocados all over it I found at Bits and Pieces for a steal that William spray painted black and now its fabulous. I keep extra coffee in there, biscotti, creamer, splenda, etc, etc.
Well, fast forward to Valentine's Day and William gives me the MackDaddy of all coffee pots as a gift. So I have to figure out how to fit this bad boy into my lovely coffee corner. I think I'm gonna have to put it by the wall. I really need to find a place for my atrociously large bread box since my kitchen is the size of one in a pop up camper. But man, this coffee pot is AMAZING. I can keep 1/2 lb. of fresh beans in the top. Then I can push buttons to say how many cups I want to make, how strong I want it, etc, etc. IT CAME WITH AN INSTRUCTIONAL DVD. Yeah right. As William and Joshy are showing, we didn't watch some dvd. I feel like I live in a shack and have a Hummer parked out front with this coffee maker in my kitchen!! HA!!! But it has seriously been an adventure getting it figured out. I think I about have it all straightened out, and my morning coffee has just been luscious. :)
Now get out of my tiny kitchen and you get to all the recent talk of me being the "Coffee Queen" for those of you that heard it. Our church just finshed some major renovations and they are awesome. Part of the renovation is a welcome center and coffee bar. I was named "Minister of Coffee" by Grant which Jay Burrell turned around and decided should actually be "Coffee Queen." I got to 'decorate' and get the coffee makers, coffee, organize, etc ...everything to go with the coffee bar. It was like a dream come true! Still waiting on my crown... :) kidding. I love the smell when I walk in the door now. I know it's not the Taj Mahal, and now that I look at the pictures I think, "well, it's not nearly as cute as I thought it was..." but it is still a really nice hang out on Sunday mornings. I need to get some artwork up. So anyway I took some pics of Calvary's new coffee bar! I noticed today we added several coffee cups to our rack this morning... looks so cute. Tamar and I are currently working with a couple of other ladies to finish off decorating the rest of the Welcome Center... I'm so ready to get it finished!!!

WoW!!! I have nothin.....

2009-02-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

It is like I have lost all my wit!!! What is wrong with me?!?!?! Ok, I will have to really find good thing to blog about soon. Seriously. I mean, SERIOUSLY. I'm starting to freak out that this over $200/month med they have me on for my head is messing with my sassiness. If it is they're going to have to find something else to put me on. I have been writing down "Jay-isms" though, so I want to run through some of them here. I do want to give you a brief update on my stupid head because everyone keeps asking.
The MRI came back clear... good, I suppose, but it is a tad frustrating. So they are currently treating me for migraines. (note the ridiculously expensive meds mentioned above) This medicine is making me able to move about and get out of the bed, but I am still having headaches. I can just move and function. But still keeping a headache everyday, some worse than others. Pupils are still uneven. I am still having blurred vision. So who knows. I guess I'm just destined to be a freak. We already knew that!!!! :)
Steven arrived and got his 3 min phone call. We have his address. If you didn't get it from us through email or Facebook and would like to have it, contact me. I'm sure he'd love any mail anyone wants to send him.
We are letting Kirkland join the 6th grade band for next year. Emily starts soccer practice back today, and has decided that she must keep her toes and fingers done in a french manicure. yep. Josh is just destructive and messy and clingy as ever. That child will put me in the funny farm if Emily doesn't... you watch.
We did get Jay officially signed up for T-ball... this ought to be hilarious. Ok, so for the funny Jay-isms: (and if you didn't read the post about Jay, you might have to go back and read it. He is my 5 year old son who is just an absolute trip.)

"hey daddy, when i grow up, i'm gonna ask you if i can fly on a plane and you're gonna say yes and i'm gonna fly in the plane and i'm gonna jump out in china and eat some of that good china food."

"hey mama.... look at the moon! part of its broke!" (it was a quarter moon)

(while showing someone his little 'doug & melissa' wooden maze puzzle game thing, he pointed to each corner and said:) "Ok, this is me, this is the bad guy, this is the dragon, and this is God."

(when he was hanging out at brother, steve's, apartment with steve's friends playing video games he just had to tell them this story about his test he had done on his bladder:) "i went to the doctor to look at my wee wee and he had to do the poke thing and then he said what's your favorite cartoon and I said spongebob and he said what's his friends name and I said patrick..."

"tis the season to be charlie, fa la la la la la la la la"

"when I grow up I want to be a policeman but first I want to be an ice cream man like steve"

"when I grow up I want to be a stitches doctor."

"spiderman has another name. it's steven. because he is in disguise."

(when asked what his favorite part of church was:) "Well its not the very long talking"

"I have a way to make Lil Bit (our new little dog) dance. I hold her by her back legs and hold her up and do it. and she sings too while i'm making her do it!" (poor lil bit!)

Ok so I will continue to write down all the funny crap Jay says. I wish I could remember to write down more than I do!!! Ok, I will work harder on my blogging in the future!!! :)

Transitions

2009-02-03T12:30:00.001-08:00

Seems like there is always some sort of transition taking place in my life. Things are always changing... but change is good. I have a quote written somewhere... and I forget who it is by right now... but it says, "Some people are afraid of change. I am afraid of NOT changing." So, it's ok with me... but there's good change, and bad change, and always adjustment. And sometimes it can hurt. Anyway.
So this week/weekend was our last for awhile with Steven. Last monday, we and some of his friends (pic above) and some of their parents and some other grown ups (who aren't in the pic) took him out to Mi Hacienda. He also had several other parties/dinners/etc during the week. He moved his stuff home this past weekend, spent the night here Sunday night, and I took him to Columbus yesterday. While waiting at the recruiter's office for him to leave (I was a very big girl, by the way. William was at work, so it was just me and the boys. I didn't cry til after he left. Then I wailed the whole way home.) the recruiter asked him some question which Steven mumbled some reply to. The recruiter looked at me. I told him, "You should know him by now!" He laughed and nodded. I said, "By the way, are y'all going to fix him??" His recruiter laughed and said, "oh yeah, we're gonna fix him!" But it was good. So he got to Jackson yesterday afternoon. He was resworn in because he redid his enlistment for 6 years instead of 4. Everything went fine, we've talked to him some. He was named team leader of his crew until they arrive at Basic Training because he was the highest ranked out of their group. He called right before I sat down to type this to say he was boarding his plane to Ft Worth... he is to arrive there around 6:20 then on to San Antonio. He will get to let me know he arrived safely but that's it til sometime this weekend he will get about a 1 minute phone call.
Everyone asks me how he is, or was when he left. He's good. Really. He's excited. He's ready. I think Steven feels like he's found what he wants. Steven has great great potential inside of him that many of you have seen..... and he knows just like we did that he needed a push to get to where he could use that the most efficiently. So how am I? I'm ok too. I'm mopey, of course. Nothing prepares a mama for this. He's my biggest baby. It hurt my heart so much to let him leave yesterday knowing I won't pat his sweet cheek again for at least 2 months. It hurts that he gave them 6 years. I mean, I'm SO proud of him.... but the thoughts of a Christmas without one of my babies seems so sad to me. But I know that this is all a part of life, of getting older. I just feel too young to be here. I worry about Jay and Josh... I want their big brother in their lives. But since the days they were born, I always knew this day would come... through marriage, college, etc.... so here we are. I'm so proud.... but I'm selfish. I miss my son.
When Steven called to let us know he was boarding the plane, we were working in Josh's room. See, Steve brought us his bedroom suit. So, Josh's crib also came down this weekend. Emily got Steve's bed, and Josh is now getting a twin bed. No more cribs in my house. For the first time in 12 years, there is not a crib in my house. This time when it came down, there wasn't another baby coming. It was put in the attic. All the crib sheets were sorted and put into the consignment pile, except for a few. My littlest baby is growing up too. He has a big boy bed now. And Jay will sign up for Tball next month. This is his first year to be old enough..... and he starts kindergarten this year..... and Josh will start going to day school ...... life goes on..... and we all get older..... and hey perry? I'm crying.... where are my headlines????
Oh yeah, and Bubba the cat became an "it" after a trip to the vet this week.
Ah, transitions.
P.S. I added the picture from Bops, where Steve worked... They put "We'll miss you Steven" on their sign last week. I took a pic, so I put it on here.

Another health update...sorry...

2009-01-28T08:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry my blog has become so health oriented. As soon as I'm feeling better I'll try to do something better. Right now it seems like it hurts to breathe sometimes much less think.
I had a HORRIBLE past few days. I've had a headache since last Thursday that just basically put me in the bed. I've only done what I absolutely had to. I tried Imitrex, Lortab, everything....none of it helped. I almost went to the ER Sunday but held out til Monday. I called my doctor. They told me to come in Tuesday morning for a shot, so I did. Yesterday morning I got a Demerol/Phenergen shot. Now it made me basically unconscious all day yesterday but I still woke up today with my headache. It feels like someone is stabbing me in the head with a dull knife. Oh my word it is hurting. I'm having an MRI this afternoon. A friend of mine was having similar symptoms and after having MRI, discovered she was having severe sinus infections that were causing her brain to swell. Maybe that's what mine will be and we can get me a good dose of antibiotics and get rid of this. I don't know. If the MRI shows nothing, I'll probably just cry..... I just want this to stop...... Ugh.

Bloodwork Update

2009-01-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

Just to let you know I heard from the doctor's office this morning and my blood work was ok, so my lupus counts are not spiked. So, we'll see how the meds work. So far, no change. Still having headaches, still having problems with my eyes.

An update on Ginnie's health adventures.....

2009-01-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

Well, the cat is out of the bag (thanks, Grant...) and so just to get everyone on the same page, make sure no one feels left out, and try to update as many people at one time, here is what has been going on with me. And my head.
When I was playing Michelangelo and painting on the ceiling, I started getting vertigo. I thought it was related to the painting, and it probably was. But I have gotten it several other times since then. Then, starting about 2 months ago...maybe? I started getting headaches. Bad headaches. Always starting in about the same spot, and always felt the same. Added to this is the fact that I have horrendous neck spasms I've been treated for on and off for probably 3 or 4 years. I've been to the ER before they get so bad. Then, around the end of November, first part of December, I was glanced at my reflection as I passed a mirror in our house. I had to stop and look again to make sure I wasn't crazy. My left pupil was almost the size as my entire iris, and my right pupil was tiny. I looked like a freak. Since then, my pupils have continued being asymmetrical. I had a doctor's appt Christmas Eve that was already scheduled, so I just decided to wait. My headaches got worse.
When I went to the doctor on Christmas Eve, the doctor noticed my eyes immediately. He ordered a CT scan, and wanted me to consult with an ophthalmologist as well. I had the CT scan done and saw the opthalmologist New Year's Eve. The opthal. also, of course, saw the problem with my pupils. However, my vision is perfect, and the CT scan was clear. He said the problem with my eyes had nothing to do with my vision, and that it was a neurological problem. He wanted me to have an MRI because it shows the brain better, and have a neurologist see me. I was supposed to go back Jan. 20 to see if my eyes were the same and then he was going to order those 2 things.
As of yesterday, my eyes were still the same, and the headaches were getting worse. I went back to my original doctor because I didn't feel the need to go back to the specialist since my vision was fine (and he costs a fortune!) and these were the decisions made yesterday:
Dr. Hollister does not want to do the MRI just yet. He wants to try a couple of things. One, he has decided that the headaches are definitely not tension headaches or muscle related, because the muscle relaxers are not phasing them. (I keep a headache every single day, all day. It dulls occasionally but never goes away. Sometimes it shoots stabbing pains through my head.) So he wants to try me for 5 weeks on Topamax. He also is doing bloodwork to see if my Lupus is involved in anyway. If any of the levels in my bloodwork are off, he is going to order more tests focused around what the lupus is doing to me. In 5 weeks, Feb 20, I will go back to re-evaluate. That is contingent upon there being no changes in my condition, and the bloodwork they are waiting on.
So now you all know as much as I do. I'm frustrated, but trying to be patient. My head hurts. Bad. And my vision is blurred a lot, and that's frustrating for me too. But I'm going to see what happens with the path he wants to take right now. I'll let you all know, and keep you posted if anything changes.
I wasn't trying to keep this from anyone, I just don't like dealing with stuff like this sometimes, and I didn't want to get anyone all worried about me. I also don't like anyone to think I'm one of those people who has to let everyone know when they have the slightest thing wrong with them.... I don't mean that bad, I'm just saying. I can actually be kind of private about some things. I think it is a defense mechanism.... my fragile little psyche can't always deal with things and I just close up and pull inside of myself to deal with some things. I know that's hard to understand...but it's me. I internalize, and that's good and bad and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.
But anyway, this post and the last are just pathetically not funny or fun or sassy..... it's 20 degrees in Mississippi so maybe that's it! I will try to think of something good and do another post really soon! :)
and the countdown is on...... Steven leaves in 18 days..... sigh.

humor me

2009-01-05T13:29:00.000-08:00

see her smile but not in her eyes
yes that smile that never reaches her eyes
i'd never seen anyone so dead inside

and i did it
i know i've killed her
still she moves and cruelly her heart still beats
but i killed anything in her that was ever sweet
or good or happy
i stole her joy to save myself
and now
now she has nothing left

she wishes she could stop breathing
but she's too weak to do it
she thinks maybe if
she keeps living
i might change my mind....

sorry for the morbidity ..... i've been kinda mopey lately. guess its the weather. or the doctor's offices. been listening to too much music and reading (twilight, dang it... guess that's what made the above song appeal to me-reminded me of it) too much!!! but it brought up a part of me that some people know about me and some people don't. I'm obsessed with music. I don't get to spend nearly enough time in it as I'd like to. But I don't just like music. I like the lyrics, the sounds.... each individual instrument and how they sound together. I love unpredictable elements like strings in rock music.... one of the reasons I like Yellowcard. I love indie groups and stuff that's way overplayed. I like rock, pop, classical, hard rock, alternative, college, everything.... although I don't care for country much. I try to get past it but I can't. If I hear a song I like I go research lyrics.... usually, if the lyrics aren't any good, I kinda get over it pretty quick. I listen to things that other people don't. I listen to stuff that most people tell me I'm too old for. Which is just simply ridiculous to me. What in the world makes me "too old" to listen to music? A 15 year old boy can write a song that could appeal to me as easily as a 40 year old woman. It depends on what it says.... not who writes it. I love to find out about new stuff or old stuff I didn't know about. I love for people to tell me about stuff they think I'll like. I like talking about music. I like to write lyrics too.... but i'm not very good.... I actually haven't even written any in a year. I actually wrote my first one a year ago today so I guess that's what made me think of it. I'd never thought of writing before, but it just kinda came to me. It was odd. Words have popped in my head since then too, but I usually just turn them in to poems nowadays! :) I do have a notebook I keep ideas in so hopefully I can write more now since I won't be doing it for assignments. So I've finally put a playlist on here. I know it's a random assortment of songs, but I think it shows my wide taste range! The lyrics to all of these are good though. And every now and then maybe I'll put some more lyrics on here if I read some good ones......

Last in a 3 part post... go down and start at 1st Annual Cardy Awards....

2008-12-26T20:20:00.001-08:00

Seriously, these posted backwards.... you need to go down 2 posts and then read "up" to this one.

So that is basically the bulk of the awards. The last card I got will get the award for the biggest card!!!! I swear this card is like 12" x 6" and, like the Arinders, I have no idea how she sent it without extra postage!!! This is from the Wardlaws, and we got it Christmas Eve!!! Better late than never.

They also come really close to getting the cutest kids award too. I can't really give an award for that because I'll make folks mad. And my kids are the cutest of them all anyway! :)
So that is the conclusion of the "2008 Cardy Awards." I hope you'll all want to get involved next year and that my card numbers will shoot up! HA! And just in case you didn't get ours, it was a folded card that was blue with real funky colored trees all over it and on the front it said, "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..." and you opened the card to this picture:

And the inside said, "YEAH RIGHT!!! Merry Christmas!"
I thought it was a pretty cute. And this is another pic we took that nite. So we hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and you have a great New Year!! And we don't really have plans yet....so if you know something good, let us know! ha!

Part 2 of the 1st Annual "Cardy" Awards! (go down one more if you haven't read part 1)

2008-12-26T20:15:00.001-08:00

Have you already read part one of the "Cardy" awards? If not, go down one more post then read up to here. If you've read part one already, you're in the right place!

Shelly and I talked and decided that me, her, and my friend Tamar won the award for funniest/most creative. We're all like that though, and try to be different with our Christmas cards. So they tie for the award for Creative Cards!!

Shelly's had her girls with mad looks and "Naughty" hats... then in "Nice" hats with cute looks. It was cute. With the year Shelly has had, it's a miracle she got a card out at all. So she gets extra points for that.

Tamar's had her kids fighting with candy canes. It was very typical of her boys. She also had cute pictures of them too. Very cute.

This card got raves from me and from my girls. This is from the Burchfields. They just had a new baby girl on Nov. 26. The card was a collage and featured all the girls. I tried to get the girls to pick their favorite cards. They had a hard time doing that. They leaned towards cards with babies, of course. So these cards get Cute Baby Awards. So Emily said it was a tie between the Burchfields, above, and the one from Mark and Anita Phillips, below, which featured their grandson Jace. It was signed from "Mimi and Pop" (I think) and that was cute too.

We also had to pick a favorite non picture card. We liked the one from William's brother and his wife which I forgot to get a pic of. It was a striped glittery one. My favorite, so the award for the Best Non Photo card goes to William's cousins James and Paoli Ellen. Beautiful silver glittery Noel card. I normally really don't like glittery stuff, but it does make for pretty cards.

Ok, so now we'll have to go to part 3 for the conclusion of the "Cardy" awards!

1st Annual "Cardy" Awards!

2008-12-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas cards are a very big deal at my house. Everyone knows I anxiously await for Thanksgiving to pass so I can start stalking my mailbox each day! I start planning what I'm going to do for my own Christmas card sometimes months in advance. I don't like just a simple photo, Merry Christmas kinda card. The Durr Christmas card has come to be known as usually pretty comical, so I have to build on it each year. But I also love getting everyone's cards. My friend, Shelly is really responsible for making this card obsession. She's more obsessed than I am. She's even had an "A" list and "B" list for her cards.... if she liked ya, you made the "A" list. If you were just so-so or she hadn't gotten a card from you or you were close to going off her "list," then you went to the "B"! She and I have to talk daily to compare how many we got (she usually beats me like 2 to 1) and critique ones that we both got. It's quite funny actually. It has even been the butt of jokes. Someone told me last year they were going to buy a box of cards and send them all to me. And someone actually did that to Shelly! Wrote all kinds of funny stuff in them. It was really funny.
So since this is such a big deal, I decided to blog about it. Also decided that I would start the "Cardy" awards. You know- Emmy, Espy, etc - so I'm doing the Cardy! So welcome to the first annual, Durr sponsored, Cardy awards!!!

We always hang our Christmas cards on the door mouldings in the living room. I want to do the garland thing that Matt and Kyle did last year. When we get about half way down we have to move to the other door. If we don't, Josh likes to pull them down and tear them up and flush them down toilets and eat them and throw them around the house.

I will start by giving away an award for the first card I received. This award also counts as my card from the farthest away. It was from William's cousin, Stephanie, and her family who currently reside in China. I don't know if I'm supposed to say much more than that.... don't want to get them in trouble. And we are definitely going to give an award for a family card, and cutest pet, to William's cousins Matt and Kyle with their dog, Buford. We love their cards every year. Always cute, and we adore Buford.

The second card we got is also one that cracked me up. It is from Ronald and Susan Smith. Cute pic of their cute kids.... their little boy's name is Mitchell. For some reason Jay calls him Bencho. I think he can't say Mitchell. But he loves him... and it is so funny to hear him say his name. But anyway- Susan didn't sign her cards. Not even a name on the envelope. Just an address. Said she doesn't like her writing! It just cracked me up. You have to know Susan. I love her to pieces and she makes me laugh.

This next card gets the reward for "Card that is like a package." I have no idea how they mailed these without extra postage. It is from my pastor and his family. It was a really pretty card, and inside the pocket was a picture on cute paper and then a letter about their year which was told with Grant and Lori's usual wit. But it was seriously like getting a gift. It was thick and heavy and Lori seriously put a lot of work into it. Congrats.

Since I can only put 5 pictures per post, you must go to Part 2 to see the rest of the awards!!!

just a little tradition.......

2008-12-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

Just a few pics from us visiting the nativity scene at Memorial Funeral home I told you we go to every year. Usually the lambs are very tame and you can pet them and feed them from your hand, but not this year. There were two cute, cute little lambs, but they were very skittish! It was still fun and Josh was old enough this year to get a kick out of it!

Full and Fun (yeah right) December (I'm kidding!!!)

2008-12-22T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wow. December has flown by. It seems like we've been so busy but it has been good. I have some pics from some of the stuff we've been up to, and I forgot my camera a couple of times which I hate. One of the most fun things we did was our Sunday School Christmas party where we were introduced to "Filthy Santa." You've heard of the "Dirty Santa" game... well, as Heath Peeples told us that night, "If that's dirty, this is filthy!" It was a lot of fun. We laughed until we cried, and that is always positive.
Then we also went to get-together with some friends, the Wardlaws, where they hosted a Spades tournament!!! It was a night of great company, great food, and GREAT competition. We had a really, really good time and hope to do it again soon.
We always get together with my mom, my sister, and my sister's family every year on December 22. (that was my step dad, Joe's, birthday. He passed away Christmas Day, 1995.) We exchange gifts and eat and just let our kids hang out for a little while. We had to move it up a day this year because of work schedules. We had spaghetti and yummy snacks made by my mom and we had a really good time.

My emily, with cousins Cora and Abby.

Jay and Preston and Cora.

If you know me, you know I'm very particular about my main Christmas tree. That's why we have 6 trees up in our house. The one in the living room is just mine. The kids all have trees in their room decorated to match their rooms. Then we have a 6 1/2 foot tree in the kitchen (which I think will have to get about a foot taller next year!) that has the kids ornaments we get them every year on it, the ornaments they make, and ornaments friends get them and just generally any other cutesy ornaments I get or buy that don't match my big tree! Ha! So I put a picture of it on here, because it's one thing they really enjoy. I also allow colored lights on this one, and don't do that on the rest.

The kids also love our advent calendar. It's a Hallmark Christmas tree that has drawers in it for each day. Each day they open the drawer and it has tiny ornaments in it that hang on little hangers. It's cute. They get up and do it every morning.
This year we also discovered Baker's Akers, which I think will probably become a new tradition for us! It's in between Louisville and Noxapater, and it is awesome. This family decorates their property and you can ride through it. It is really, really worth driving to. I am just putting one pic on here from it. But there is a lot of fun stuff, this is just a pretty picture looking across the lake at the house. There's a lot of "kid" stuff too.

Of course there is also the normal array of kids programs. The girls did a program at church, and Emily had a singalong at school. Jay had a program at Methodist which is just a hoot to watch the little kids. He did a very good job! He likes to sing.

We also had KidStuf the first weekend of this month which was so much fun. And Christmas cards are a VERY big deal at our house. After today I'm going to do a blog on those as well, and name the ones we've decided are our favorites. I have to wait though because I have some friends who are behind and just mailed theirs yesterday!!! I want to make sure to get theirs in. We will do our normal stuff this week as well. Steve will come stay with us starting tonite, and we'll go to my grandmother's house tomorrow afternoon. We also have an old tradition of going to Memorial Funeral Home and looking at the lambs in the nativity set. We've done it ever since Kirkland was a baby. Rain, sleet or snow, we go see those lambs. We'll probably also open gifts with the kids tomorrow too. At some point we'll get together with the Burrells (friends as close as family) and do gifts with them. So it'll be a busy day or so here. We hope you all are having a very Merry Christmas as well!!! We'll blog about the cards tonite or tomorrow! Til then!

My Poems....

2008-12-09T11:45:00.000-08:00

I don't have time to do a real entry right now. But I am copying and pasting my revised poems that were turned in for Creative Writing. I'll try to get a real entry in soon!

Debacle

Trail of water,

drop after drop,

leads down the hall.

The dog sits outside the door

staring at the mess, and she

barks out a warning

to the culprit.

Toilet paper is strewn

from the toilet,

to the door,

to the tub,

and back.

Oh! And on the ceiling!

How in the world?

Your clothes are all soaked

and dripping on the rug

that is soaked too.

Wet toilet paper is

paper machéd to your cheek

and forehead.

Water sliding down

the side of the toilet

like water down Niagara.

Drip drop, drip drop.

I look down at the dog

She could’ve helped,

I think.

Looking back at the child-made

flood,

your two year old grin greets

me as you flush my toothbrush.

Grabbing towels,

I stoop and wipe and

I feel your chubby wet hand

pat my head and

your look out,

the dog, licks my cheek and

hand in bowl,

I find my lipstick and

you laugh and

I laugh,

because if I didn’t

I’d go insane.

mary virginia

I am red:

gingham curtains, white and blue,

state on the news, silky pajamas, bank accounts.

I am blue:

cobalt bottles in the windowsill, suede heels,

berries on mama’s pie, toenail polish.

I am yellow:

bungalow behind the sycamores,

yield, don’t stop, couch at the coffee shop.

I am green:

crunch of rock candy, stained glass in my place of refuge,

the worst kind of dirty diaper, pawpaw’s swing.

I am orange:

clementines, crushed velvet chairs,

sweet potato pie, swimsuits on the beach.

I am purple:

cough syrup that makes me gag, giggles, paint

on the living room walls, pansies in the pot.

I am brown:

glass beer bottles, hazelnut coffee,

chocolate brunette, melting pralines.

I am black:

speeding asphalt going by, computer keys,

2000 Calorie mascara coming off, sleepy.

The Wicked Bean

Ah we meet here again as morning breaks.

I wrap my hands around your perfect heat,

inhaling your scent and my body aches.

I pull you closer until my lips meet

your warmth and I feel you inside of me.

It takes a minute to get me going:

I’ve just woken up and I’m still sleepy.

I come alive inside, pleasure flowing.

Without you I don’t know how I’d survive.

My time spent with you gets me through each day.

My head falls back and I let out a sigh.

You’re certainly worth the extra I pay

for hazelnut whole bean, ground extra fine.

My first cup of coffee is just divine.

Thirty

This is the big time!

Time of the big stuff:

big schedules, big hips,

big mouth, big dreams.

And dreams being forgotten,

Or maybe just rethought.

Year of the big three – o.

Responsibility multiplies as again, cells divide.

Waist disappears, baby cries.

Rub a sweet soft fuzzy head,

take a breath, let out a sigh.

Immortality is mine.

Bliss in a family complete,

as statistics are filled.

Two of us, two kids, and the dog.

And three decades have passed. Gone

are the parties, but welcome to the clubs:

soccer moms, PTA, carpool.

Not fifty fake acquaintances,

but five real friends.

Best night out is a movie night in.

Me and you and buttery popcorn on the couch.

First time I’ve gotten to laugh

with you all day!

Comfort, security, and resting.

Feet tucked under, head on your shoulder.

Getting to breathe slow, wear my pjs

and be still a minute.

Because tomorrow I’m running

all over again:

Run to the bank, pay those bills,

watching kids kick goals,

and a grocery cart to fill.

Fifteen times two, sixty divided by two.

10,950 days of one life used, hopefully about

twice as many to go.

2 things.....

2008-11-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to say a couple of things. One, my entry for Jay was kind of rushed, and I apologize for not giving him the time he deserved and not having enough of my fabulous wit in the entry! :)
Second, I just have to announce that my last Creative Writing class is Tuesday!!! Oh no!!! I tell you that for a couple of reasons. I know a lot of you are big fans of my blogs on that class, and this Tuesday is open to the public! We can bring a friend or more to class because it will just be a day of readings. Isn't that funny? I know if you live out of town it wouldn't matter, but if you live in town you could come meet Dr. Skinny and the gang!! HA HA HA!!!
More importantly, I have a final portfolio due that day. I have to have a revised version of my short story and my three poems. Also I have to have a new poem, written in one of five forms. Then I have to have a 3 -4 page critical analysis. And THEN I have to have a one page retrospective. I have been so swamped here lately, and I have tons this week as well.. I know, excuses, excuses. But needless to say, I'm a little stressed so please say a little prayer for me to make it to Tuesday sane. Well, as sane as I normally am. :)
As far as William goes, he took his finals in mid November and did fantastic!!! He'll most likely finish with all A's and B's. Yay William!!!
Ok, I'll let y'all know how it goes. And then in a week or so I will probably delete all the blogs about my class. I know they might be offensive to some. But I have others that love it so much I felt like I needed to finish out the semester. Ok, off to writing......

Gingerbread!!!

2008-11-25T19:19:00.000-08:00

We decided to enter the first annual Starkville Festival of Trees Gingerbread contest. We'd never made gingerbread houses before or baked gingerbread at all for that matter. So we took the stuff above (except for the horse, I cut it all out free hand) and with a little help from Jay and the girls,

Made it into this:

And this:

and won!!!!

We took first place for our farm in the children 8 - 12 years old division. All of the entries were really, really good so I don't know how we got chosen. They were all family projects, gingerbread houses made by parents with assistance from kids. Then there were some professional ones. They were fun to look at too. Anyway, we got a nice blue ribbon. The houses were all auctioned off at the party Friday nite. Ours was bought, but I'm not sure by who. All proceeds went to the United Way of North Mississippi. It was a lot of fun!!! We're looking forward to next year.

Jaybird

2008-11-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Well, Jay decided he wanted some candy. So Jay proceeded to climb on the counter to get some. Then proceeded to fall off of said counter and shove the bottom cabinet door into his face. Everyone thinks I'm talking about his lip, but it's actually not. It's just above his lip. So I got called out of class, took him to the ER, and he got two stitches. The first of my children to get stitches, so I'm pretty lucky. He did very well, and bounced back to climbing the cabinets immediately! :)

James Benjamin is our 5 year old. He was the first boy born into my family in like 45 years. He came in to the world beautiful, and well behaved. He still threw me for a spin.... for some reason that third little one just about did me in!! But I recovered, and I'll tell ya.... he has his mama wrapped around his finger like a thread. He is definitely all boy, don't get me wrong. But he is so sweet. And everything anyone ever said about moms and sons is absolutely true.

It doesn't hurt that Jay is absolutely gorgeous and has this hilarious accent. I can't explain it, he just has an accent! He speaks in very proper English, and almost sounds like he's from up north. And he's just so funny. He says things that just crack me up. Like "I wonder how a unicorn poops?" He can really really push my buttons and he is incredibly messy and sometimes he talks too much. But he loves me and loves to tell me he loves me.
He goes to First United Methodist Church dayschool three mornings a week from 8:30 - 11:30. He loves it. He's been going since he was 2. His birthday falls where he missed starting kindergarten this year by 4 days. So I have an extra year of him at home. Everyone tells me this is really good for boys, though, and great for sports. Jay loves school and his friends. He has two main friends at school he talks about all the time, Christopher and Christian. Then he has friends at church, Will and Karis.... whom he actually met at school and whom we have an arranged marriage with her parents... well, unless Tessa Loving comes knocking, then we'll have to honor our original arrangement!!! Tessa is a little girl he used to go to church with and was his first kiss!! He just leaned over when he was about 2 and planted one on her!! And then he has some friends, Mitchell (who he calls Mencho or Benjo and we're not sure why) and Mason (our friends from Natchez). Jay loves his buddies and loves to play with them.
He gets along good with his siblings. Except Kirkland, for some reason they drive each other crazy. And he does like to aggravate Josh. Steven used to use him to pick up chicks! But when Steven is around now, Jay is all over him. He adores Steve. William says that he will make him a Daddy's boy, and that probably needs to happen. But I think he'll always be a mama's boy deep down.
I'm hoping the boy will play basketball or football. Of course his father is pushing for baseball. I don't like baseball. I like basketball (indoor sport) and football (my fave sport, and cooler weather!) He may not play anything. He's scrawny, but tall. He should be as tall as Steven (6'2" ) or taller, according to his pediatrician.
Jay doesn't look like the other Durr children. They all look so much alike except him. JC used to say when looking at a family picture of us, "aw, all of your children look so much alike, and then there's Jay who looks like he was just dropped down by fairies!" I used to tell William I thought she thought that I messed around with the milkman!!! But he looks more like William than you think, and he looks a lot like I did at that age. And has my coloring.
Well, I'll have to keep you posted on Jaybird as he gets older. Let you know which sport he decides to play!!! (whether william wins or me! ha!) Ok, so I've covered Steve, Kirkland, Emily, and Jay.... all that's left is Josh!! I'll get to him soon!

Cheap advertising!

2008-11-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure this counts as a real post or an infomercial. I went to the holiday bazaar on campus ... first time I've ever taken any of my paintings anywhere. I ONLY took a sample of my door things that I'm doing now... I do them on metal or on canvas.... with artificial flowers (gerber daisies, sunflowers, etc) or with my cute little tin flowers.... They are completely 3 D, textured, and clear coated. Hung with coordinating ribbon. I say all this to say that I already have orders building for Christmas. I do holiday ones for your door too. I can send pics of more stuff I do (painted canvases, painted t shirts, christmas balls, etc.) if you are interested. But if you want one of the door things, they are $45 on canvas and $25 on metal. (like the pink one -it's corrugated). I can do any color combination. But you need to let me know soon if you want them by Christmas!!!!!!!

Random thoughts from the past few weeks in Creative Writing.....PG

2008-11-03T09:04:00.001-08:00

9-30
Miss Superiority pulled seat up next to Dr. Skinny. She pays attention and looks at people as though she is making sure you are getting all of this. I might be a bit too hard on her.... but she kinda has this rep now in my blog and I feel the urge to keep it up....
Dr Skinny has on a very pretty flattering black top and great red bag.
I have to pee so freaking bad but AM NOT getting up to go. Of course, I could stop sucking down this coffee.... nah.
Oh Napoleon (Mr pre ass) is rambling. I so need to be at Lowe's
Dammit I got too much Splenda in my coffee.
I just made a face at Dr. Skinny that made her think I was totally agreeing with what she is saying- really i'm so tired and have to pee so bad I can't think and have no idea what she just said.
Something's up with Mag today.
Superiority is so clueless. She has like no life experience apparently. oh but wait.... she's been ABROAD!
Superiority is using a green pen today. She is STILL marking up this person's paper!
Ok I'm either going to pee on the floor or I'm going to blow up like the girl on Chocolate Factory and float out the window.

10-9

Miss Sup is back up Dr. Skinny's ass again.
Mag is back in her groove!
Mr Pretentious Ass is asleep. HA ha ha ha ha
Oh Super is being crazy ticky. But she did say something that made me laugh but I can't remember what it was. Mag has told me I have the complete wrong idea about Super. Maybe she's right.....
Curly said her family owned a holler. OH MY GOSH!!!!!! lol ha ha ha ha
Dr. Skinny has chiggers on her ankles. seriously.
Mag just made fun of my Miley Cyrus pen. I have 5 kids. I'm doing good not to be wearing Miley underwear!

10-14
late. but only 3 mins. but they've started.
Talked about "kitchenette building" by Gwendolyn Brooks.
I compare the poem to Dave Matthew's "Grey St." Yay me!!! I think Dr. Skinny liked it.
AH! Miss super came in later than me - and then walked back out. with her cell phone. Dr. S asks if she walked out to answer her phone, but Super says no. yeah right.
Pretentious Ass came in at 8:20. well.
Covered "Sixty" by Stephen Dunn. liked both these poems, by the way. Great line out of "Sixty":
"I think I'll keep on describing things
to ensure they really happened" great line.
Me and Mag both say "wah" when describing "sentimentality betrays sentiment."
Dr S. makes comment about our sound effect.
Poor Dr. S's marker is petering out. She sends Mag to steal one from another classroom but Mag comes back unsuccessful.
Me and Mag completely rag the poem she gives us for revision.
I even make the comment that my heart is so completely hardened to this poem someone needs to come in and kill all the kids in it.
Mag makes the sign to me "i heart you" and says cause your mind is so f-ed up. I laugh.

10-16
well whaddaya know. Miss Super went to a private all girls school. this fact doesn't surprise me at all.
Get into whole class discussion about plagarism. whatever.
Mag talks about the drunk butterflies at her feeder?????
One of the girls in my class says she was in the 4th grade when Titanic came out. WHA???????
We have to write a 10 line poem in 10 mins. I freak. Dr. Skinny says I look like I'm going to have a heart attack. I told her I have NOT had coffee this morning and so this isn't fair! ha!

10-30
Dr. Skinny brings us candy.
Mag wants mine, so Dr. Skinny just passes out more candy.
Dr. Skinny has on a shrug with a black turtleneck, gray skirt, black tights, and black knee high boots. Work it. you can see her cute little figure. I swear this woman looks just like Alanis Moiressette. Did I spell that right?
Girl in front has on really cute shoes.
We had to read a RIDICULOUS sestina that def killed brain cells. I'm almost offended I had to read it.
I wonder when we will pass out our poems.
My poem sucks.
The all say Elvis died in 1976, and I'm fairly certain that is wrong.

The poem I wrote in an hour..... had to be free verse, unrhyming, at least 14 lines..... yeah, it is what it is. I'm being workshopped tomorrow (yikes.)

Debacle

Trail of water
Drop after drop
Leads down the hall
The dog sits outside the door
staring at the mess
Barks out a warning
Toilet paper is strewn
Clothes are all soaked
Water sliding down
the side of the toilet
Like water down Niagara
Drip drop drip drop
I look down at the dog
You could've helped,
I think.
Looking back at the child-made
Flood
Your toothy grin greets
Me as you flush my toothbrush.
Grabbing towels
Stoop and wipe
I feel your chubby wet hand
Pat my hand and
Your look out
the dog licks my cheek and
I find my lipstick and
You laugh and
I laugh
Because if I didn't
I'd go insane.

Updates

2008-11-03T08:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is just kind of an update blog. I read through all of my entries this morning, and realized there are a few things I need to give you some updates on. So, I don't know how interesting this will be, but if there are some things that you were like, "Hmmm, i wonder what happened with that?" this is where you find out!!! Anything I don't cover, just send me a comment and ask!!! :)
I'm trying to make my blog "prettier" because I went to my friend Kerri Wardlaw's blog and hers is like way cuter than mine so I'm gonna try to make mine prettier too! ha!!!! So that's why I have this groovy little fall background now. I'm much better at Myspace. ha ha ha. Gotta get my music on here too. If you know me, you know how I am about music. So it seems kinda stupid that I don't have music on my blog. I will also do a Halloween one at some point this week, since I'm actually not having to be in 14 places this week. I guess this is my "slow week!"
Updates on Steven: one, he moved out of his house. DO NOT ask me why. He's living in an apt until he leaves with another guy. He got his date for leaving for the USAF. February 3rd. Hope when Obama gets in he doesn't shut down the military before then. :) oh hush. I'm just kidding. He is hoping to be an air traffic controller, but that's kinda up in the air right now. I'll, of course, give you more updates as I get them.
Updates on Kirkland: well, just because it's what always happens when we take her to the dr, she has something ELSE wrong with her. But this is a little different because there's nothing we can really do about it. It seems that she is missing muscle mass in her behind. Her "gluteous minimus" is not there. I always knew something looked strange about her behind, and so now I know. Basically, her butt is concave on the sides. Strange, I know. But nothing can be done about it. Dr. Ski said that as she gets older, and her body fills out more, she can help fill that in with fat, but there will never be muscle there. Only complication that can really come from it is that she can have weakness in her hips, etc, and that there are some things her physical therapists can do to build the surrounding muscles and that will help somewhat. We are also trying some new approaches with medication with her. She is now on an anti-anxiety medication. Her anxiety problems were becoming almost debilitating to her. So we're trying this. Also, Dr. Ski wanted to try her on Stratera. This is an ADD medicine. Much talk has been had in the past about doing this with her, but there were problems with her other meds and ailments intermixing with the drugs that are available. Well apparently this is the only medicine she can take. She will have to also have liver panels done with this medicine as she does with her arthritis meds. All of this sounds rough, but really it not as many meds as she's been on in the past. She's down to one weekly injection, two pills at nite, and one in the mornings. So that's less than the 7 she was taking every nite at one point. Dental stuff: Dr. Curtis has now said there is nothing he can do to save her teeth. Did I tell you about her teeth? Lord, it's a long story. But basically, she's had tons of dental work done on her teeth since she was about 2, even having outpatient surgery on them. They are just horrible, and we've tried everything. With her acid problems and throwing up, etc, there's just no enamel. So, we had to take her to a grown up dentist who sent her to an orthodontist...... my gosh. And the adult dentist NOR the orthodontist are covered by our insurance. So we'll have to find a way to pay for them. (yay!) The orthodontist consulted to see which teeth can be pulled because her mouth is too small anyway. The adult dentist will pull them, and see about doing root canals on the rest to possibly save them. The chances are, none of them will be able to be saved. I'm not sure what happens at that point.....As far as her school stuff goes, we are still in process of getting the special ed ruling. She's been having lots of tests, etc. done. I'm not sure when we'll get all of the results.
Updates on Emily: well, miss princess puff missed a few days of school because she had a terrible chest cold. She's doing better now. While out, she missed awards day. She got a reward for all A Honor Roll (of course.) She got a good report at the dentist (of course.) Other than that, I don't think there are too many updates on her. :)
Updates on William: he did drop that stupid Biology class. My gosh, that woman was crazy with all the stuff she was getting them to do. The rest of his classes I've, I mean he's, gotten pretty good grades. :) He's gonna be in court this week to testify in a murder trial from several years ago. Gotta love the Justice System. His boat is looking good!!! Still looking for a motor for it. He's almost finished sanding and painting it, and has replaced the parts that need replacing. Looking forward to getting it on the water.
Updates on random stuff and me: I had to drop my Algebra class. Just couldn't do it. I just don't know what I'm going to do about Algebra. I swear I think I have some kind of learning disability where it is concerned!!! So I only have taken the Creative Writing class this semester. I am in the process of trying to get registered for the Spring. I haven't, and don't think I will, paint the big mural. Life is just kinda crazy right now. I also really really need a job. But I need a part time one where I can just work William's off days since I don't have the kids in daycare. If any of you know of anything, let me know! :) I'm STILL working on the girl's rooms. Yep, you know me!!!! I've been really busy at the church, but it all is going so great up there. We had our 2nd KidStuf production last nite, and y'all, it was SO fun. If you live around here, you seriously need to come. Our next one is Dec. 7 at 5. I PROMISE you will have fun and laugh your hiney off. I need to post some pics from the first 2 productions, and some pics of all of the other stuff I've been working on up at church.
Ok, well, I have to go get Jay from school and catch up on my housework. I'm going to do another quick entry about running commentaries I've been keeping in Creative Writing though. Just for Paoli! :)

Emily's turn

2008-10-24T06:14:00.001-07:00

I tried to put a slideshow on here, hope it works. Well, I covered Steven and Kirkland so I will move onto Emily.
Emily is our 8-going-on-30 year old. I call her my "mini-me." Sometimes it's just like someone cloned me. Everyone says she favors me the most out of all of them, but I honestly think Jay favors me more. I absolutely adore the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. While she isn't always very photogenic, sometimes when she's sitting there it takes my breath away she's so pretty.
I'm sitting here on this rainy cold ooky day and I'm actually finding it kind of hard to write about Emily. I mean, there's tons I could say about her but I don't know how to say them without either a, sounding like one mean hateful mother; or b, sounding like I have put her on a pedestal and I'm bragging. Also there is this problem that Emily is just like me. Just like me. It's scary. Our relationship is complex and complicated and some of you are thinking, "she's 8." And if that is what you are thinking then it just shows you haven't gotten to know Emily very well.
I guess the bragging first. Emily was a beautiful baby. But my first month with her was ROUGH. Talk about high-maintenance..... I swear I nursed that baby 24 hours a day with occasional breaks. But after that, things evened out and she was just wonderful. Emily shocked us because she was speaking in sentences at 18 months and we were coming off of Kirkland who didn't talk hardly until she was almost 4. So seeing this little thing walking and talking was almost funny to us. She has continued this same path. She is a genius and it is amazing to me sometimes to see how her mind works and how quickly it picks up on things. I was told by one of her teachers, speaking under the promise of anonymity that she had the highest IQ in her grade. I don't know if that was true then (last year) or if it still is, but I could believe it. One thing Emily has that I never did is she LOVES math and is outstanding in it. This past summer she worked Kirkland's whole 3rd grade math workbook for the fun of it. The lowest grade she's ever brought home on her report card was a 96 I think. On top of being ridiculously smart, she has the maturity to go with it. You can carry on an intelligent, mature conversation with Emily. Sometimes I think her mind is more 12 or 13 years old instead of 8. Sometimes its kinda freaky. And then on top of all of this, with everyone (outside of us) she is always polite, quiet, sweet, friendly, helpful, etc, etc, etc. She has never gotten in trouble for behavior, talking, anything. So everywhere she goes, people just love Emily. She's quiet and shy to the point I told her she's starting to look like a snob! :)
Ok, so now for the bad parts where I sound terrible. She can be the most hateful child. Now she would never be that way at school or church or anything, just generally at home. She can be so ugly to me or Kirkland or Jay. Just that teenager attitude that she knows more than we do. She knows exactly how to torture Kirkland...... I realize some of that is typical sibling stuff. She is incredibly strong willed. Has been since she was a baby. We had a whole battle with her when she was about 18 months old over my niece's bottle and that child never did give in. We should've known then. Clothes, for instance. If I pick something out, she's not going to be wearing it. If I pick out 5 of her favorite outfits, she will still change something before she'll wear any of them. The other day we had WW III over the fact that I wanted her to wear a shirt under a shirt.... she was convinced she looked stupid..... I thought she looked so cute I took her picture. And you know what?? Most of the time whatever it is she is battling me over not wanting to wear, she winds up loving it. Not that she would ever admit it. Emily also has this way of talking to me so disdainfully..... she can make me feel like a complete failure as a mother. I have to remember that she is just pushing my buttons and let it go, but it's so hard not to kill her sometimes! :)
Emily loves soccer. She's not the greatest player on the field, but her love for it makes her a good player. The child cannot play offense, but she is great on defense. She loves to play defender and goalie. Her coaches have told me before she really does have a gift for defense, but she needs to continue to work on it. She was on the traveling challenge team last year, but I don't know if she'll do that this year.
She has two very bestest friends, Grace and Maggie. If she could spend every weekend with one or the other, I'm pretty sure she would. She is quite the social butterfly.... she likes to socialize, and be around people, and do things. She is very tender hearted (even if she is hateful!), and simply dotes on animals. She isn't afraid of any of them I don't think, and she is so good with them.
I have a lot of guilt where Emmy is concerned. I know that I expect more out of her and sometimes maybe put too much on her. I trust her too much and count on her too much. She gets so frustrated having to help with Kirkland so much and I understand that, but I still need her help. She helps out more around the house and more with the boys. I probably let her get away with more sometimes just because I have a lot of guilt because I know I put a lot on her. But just like William said this past weekend, I assure you, if Emily doesn't want to do it, she doesn't. So while I do count on her and expect her help alot, she wants to give it most of the time.
She doesn't miss a thing. She is very observant, understanding, and inquisitive. She loves her family very much and was extremely close to JC. In the weeks that JC was in Batesville before she went to Sanctuary, anytime we were up there Emily stayed right by her. She retrieved things for her, fixed her drinks, talked and visited with her....... she just adored her JC. She is so much like her, too. Strong willed, intelligent, kind hearted. She also loved being with my PawPaw. She loves to fish, read (she'll knock out a chapter book a day if we'd let her), scrapbook and make stuff, garden.......
I love her so much. I had to do an in-class poem the other day and I wrote about the shirt war.... I had a line in there that I can't remember exactly and I don't have it in front of me but the gist of it was that it is so hard to raise a child so like oneself..... continually walking a line between bliss and failure. and it really, really is.

For all of you who make fun of my garage saling and junk shopping....

2008-10-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

Now see some of y'all like to make fun of me for getting up at 5:30 am on Saturdays and heading out yard saling and so I'm gonna do a quick entry to show you why I do! And go to Caledonia and West Point "junkin" too. The absolutely gorgeous window above was found behind a barn in Montpeiler, MS. I was on way home from my sister's house last November and this lady had all this old antique stuff at a yard sale out in front of this huge barn. I stopped, and looked around, and didn't find too much for me. But when I was turning around behind the barn to leave I saw TWO of these windows behind the barn. I immediately went and asked about them.... and left with them both for seventy dollars!!!! Yes, you read that right. Today, one is on my wall and Tamar has the other and it sits on top of her entertainment center. William and I don't like where ours is so we're actually prob gonna move it soon.
This is one awesome lamp that was exactly the right size I needed for a spot in my living room. It is actually made of washers, but I didn't notice. William figured it out. (anna, you'll appreciate this) The bottom and the ball in the middle match a floor lamp I found for half off in the Delta back in May. Needless to say I was psyched when I picked it up at one of my fave stores in the world, "Bits and Pieces" in West Point for TWELVE BUCKS.

This is Bubba curled up with one of my latest finds. I wish I had a picture of this window where you could see the colors, because they are really pretty. William is going to hang it above my kitchen sink and when he does I'll take another pic. This was picked up at a yard sale here in town for ten bucks..... along with a Southern Living door bucket for $3.

Ah, one of the greatest finds ever. At mine and Tamar's favorite store, 3 Sisters (in Caledonia) we found these stools. They were exactly what we needed for our stage for KidStuf. If you ever are anywhere near Caledonia, you must go in this store. I have some other pics from there that I will use in another blog when I feel like being funny. (i'm kinda sick tonite I think. Not sure what's up.) Anyway, Grant and Jeff Smith got bases welded on them in no time and now they sit on our stage!

So, if any of you are ever looking for anything, you need to just tell me. I will find it. I saw in Southern Living that this woman has a job workin with Interior Designers doing just that. Now it's ridiculous that I don't have that job!!!! And again, if you've laughed at my little shopping ventures, you just keep right on laughing. :)

The Durrs go to the Debate!!!!

2008-10-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

I made my font a little bigger cause I think it was hard to read before, especially in my more lengthy posts! :)
As most of you are aware, the first Presidential Debate of 2008 was held at Ole Miss. We had really considered going to Oxford to watch it, but just hadn't made a decision. Well, about 3:00 that afternoon when we picked up the girls we stopped by our house, threw blankets and lawn chairs in the truck, and headed off to Oxford. Now someone asked us if we really thought we could get in to watch it. Well no. We're not stupid. But we'd read that they were showing it in the Grove and on the Square, so we wanted to be there. This just isn't something that comes to Mississippi, or anywhere, very often. We wanted to be a part of it, and wanted our children to be a part of it.
It was great, it was exciting, it was full of Obama fans!!! :) MTV was there with Rock the Debate. We saw lots of tv sets, but not the big guys (Fox, NBC, CBS, etc) because they were in the secured area. My kids did well and seemed to understand that this was something important. When it was over as we were walking around, we were interviewed by Dutch television!!!! It was so funny. William told him he was an independent. HA! I had to look down so they couldn't see me laughing. Then they talked to me... I can't remember what he asked but I told them that my son was entering the military and I just felt more comfortable with McCain in charge rather than Obama. I could've killed William for even telling the guy we would do it.
After the debate we also took the time to walk around the campus some. William showed the kids where his mom's office was and we took pics at that big ole fountain.... I'm sorry it prob has some important name but I've just never spent a lot of time on the campus. It's a beautiful place... I've always said that. And that fountain is really gorgeous. So here are some pics from the nite:

This was as close as you could get to the building. It was this huge security checkpoint with Secret Service, etc.

Emily did enjoy a book for part of it! (by the way, shout out to Paoli.... she is working her way through all the Babysitter's Club books!)

Oh yeah.... forgot to mention that we jumped this barricade in a back parking lot and stood on a hill and watched the motorcades leaving!!! My children were most impressed! This is our law abiding police officer lifting his son's stroller over the barricade! ha!

3 of the Durr children at the first 2008 Presidential Debate.

This is for our Ole Miss alumni...... here we are in front of the pretty fountain. :) love y'all.

Workshop (aka A Horror Story)

2008-10-06T07:50:00.001-07:00

Geez louise I have not been good at the whole blog thing..... and I've had some GREAT stuff to blog about lately, just no time to do it. But this week on the calendar is pretty much wide open for me so I'm hoping to get in maybe 2 - 3 blogs this week. Yeah, but don't hold your breath or anything!!! I'm munching on some tasty sugar free candy and sipping my coffee and trying to decide.... do I want to talk about Dr. Skinny first, KidStuf last nite, or the antique trips/garage sale finds????? Ok, since I've had requests for Dr. Skinny I'll do that. But I'll have you know I have to get up from my comfy spot on the couch and walk all the way (like 20 feet) to my truck to get my notebook from class to do it. Sigh.
Alrightty. Well, on 9/25 I had to have my short story "workshopped." What that means is this: we had to write an 8 - 10 page short story that couldn't be a love story or horror or something.... just had to be realistic fiction. Then you give everyone a copy and the next class they come in and we get in a circle and they critique it. They also go over their copy of it and make notes, corrections, etc. They also write you a letter about what they thought. While they're doing the in-class critique, you are supposed to sit there and not talk. You don't get a rebuttal!!!! :) I was absolutely terrified about going into my workshop. I don't take criticism well!!! Also remember, like the two boys in the class I am a novelty. I'm not 19. I've got kids. So I already feel like I either just blend into the wall for them or for some of them, they find me somewhat of a spectacle. But I was just scared that they wouldn't like it, or wouldn't get it...... yeah, I was right.
Well that morning for workshop I basically made the decision to look down and look like I was writing the whole time because you are supposed to be taking notes, etc. So what I'm going to do here is give you the train of thought I was having through the whole process, because I wrote it all down!!! But before I do, I need to give you a little background on some of the "characters" in my class. You all know Dr. Skinny. Well there is also "Miss Superiority." She is just one of those people who thinks they are far more superior to anyone else in the class. Whatever she says or writes is something all of us should pay special attention to.... oh and she has been abroad and no one else has so that immediately makes her better than everyone else as well! Her story was just an extension of that ..."look at me! look how special i am! i've been abroad! i'm so pretty! aren't you jealous???" Then there is Mag. I love Mag. At first I thought that she could be annoying.... she would talk too much, or that she over-explained things, or that she was totally in to the shock factor. Mag writes exotic/ fantasy stories I think. But she has become someone I'm just thrilled to see walk in the door. She makes me laugh. She's so "out there." Her story was good but ridiculously tame. I was shocked it was so normal and told her so! Then there is "Curly" who sits on the other side of me and she is one of the only other people in the room that I actually know her name because she sits by me. She liked my story and complimented in greatly in one of our small group pre-workshops so I like her. :) Her story was a fun read. It was cute and sweet and funny and kept me into it. Then there is "Mr. Pretentious Ass." He is one of the two boys in the class. I think he looks like Napoleon Dynamite and that's like all I can think when I look at him. But he is like the little class mascot because he's such a novelty and has more personality than the other boy in the class who sits quietly in the corner and I think just prays the estrogen in the room won't attack him. Mr. Pretentious Ass always has much to say. He got his name because my Mag sent me a note in class and said "blank is a Pretentious Ass." So that's what I'm gonna call him. His story was actually really good, and of course followed mine on the day of workshop. Ok, so plenty of background for the workshop I think. And by the way, if you want to read the story that got torn to shreds in this class, I can probably send it to you. So here goes "ginnie's train of thoughts through her horrible workshop." It might be hard to follow cause you weren't there and it's just my train of thoughts..... but maybe you can get through it.

Ok, I can't breathe. I had to read the first paragraph and now I really can't breathe and I didn't take my beta blocker last nite so I'm fairly certain my heart will now shoot through my chest and land on my paper on my desk and boy won't that just add to the scene.
This is excrutiating. I'm just going to write and write so i can look down the whole time.
things people said work in the story: familiar idea (bottletrees), Mrs. Ford (static character...huh??), it's not forceful but holds attention, narrative voice and its assertiveness that needs to continue. Need more sass rest of story. Got lost in there somewhere (hey, now I thought we were still supposed to be talking about positives!)
ok, people aren't jumping up to give out positives, things they liked.
Said description of husband and relationship, descriptions in general
Ok now Dr. Skinny asks for things that can be improved. oh hell.

sounded like an autobiography or excerpt from. too much inner dialogue. inner conflict. not enough set up of inner turmoil. what is she afraid of in taking down art? is she in fear of bad coming back?
More backstory, what happened in breakdown, etc
too interior and not dynamic enough.
Mag just leaned over and wrote "doo doo" on my notebook. makes me smile. i guess the tension is now radiating off of me.
speakers are redundant--- use space for backstory. choose one neighbor as representative
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
her feelings on council/mayor
Now Mag leans in and writes "don't think about penises" and Dr. Skinny now calls us out. She says, "LADIES." Mag looks up and says, "I'm writing her notes on her paper," Dr. Skinny answers with, "I know but you are distracting me." Now Dr. Skinny has never called out anyone in class. So this is not a good way to hope that no one is noticing me. Dammit. I just sit there, and I had never answered Mag's "notes."
What is a bottletree? lots of people don't know what a bottletree is. HUH????
Conflict sooner.... didn't understand what was going on, trial, etc
First name needed, her name seems formal and she's not, description of the protagonist, even of her change, chose to describe others throughout but not self.
Ending wasn't satisfying - either get mad or something- she conformed too easily. Why??
How far in healing process? maybe complies bc she's far enough removed from it that she knows she doesn't need the stuff.
change to happen gradually throughout story
i'm gonna puke now
prompted by something---point of change---could use husband's look
add more, not really take anything out
drug rehab steps??? wha??? the apologize step?? oh like earl. ha ha ha.
bottletrees description was choppy and miss superiority who is better than everyone else didn't follow. (it was not.) She says that narrator says there are 7 but only counts 5 in the description. she's wrong. Dr. Skinny attempts to point out that there are descriptions of 7 but miss superiority seems to not notice someone might be telling her she's wrong. Miss superiority is really confused because she doesn't know what a bottle tree is. might need better description. Dr. Skinny asks for show of hands of how many people know what a bottletree is. Only half, maybe more raise hands. Who doesn't know what a bottletree is? These people need to get out of house more. Are they from the south??? good lord.
I need liquor. and possibly a cigarette at this point. (and so Curly is apparently reading what I'm writing over my shoulder. so she busts out with, out loud, "Do you really??" I look at her and ask her what's she talking about. She says, "do you really need liquor and a cigarette??" I reach over and mock slap her ..... "HUSH!" she says she felt exactly same way day of hers. again, let's draw attention to me.)
Mr. Pretentious Ass talks about remembering an acid trip fondly but that this is a recovery story. HUH??? Oh my gosh. they think the whole story is drug related. Well crap. Maybe leave out acid reference? just lights maybe.
Miss superiority asks about kids. says story implies she has more but she only mentions one. why she have to ask that?? why was that important. i only mention one that is important to story, you idiot
Dr. Skinny has on pink shoes today.
Ok we're done with my story. I realize that Miss Superiority has completely marked up my paper with a pink pen. pink. and has totally re-written some of my lines cause she's so much smarter than me.
Ok Mr. Pretentious Ass's story is up. Oh everyone loves it. They just talk and laugh and smile! well shit.
Miss Superiority just HAS to reference herself being in Australia. how in the crap does she get that in???
Of course, Mr. Pretentious Ass has questions for the class. Of course.

Ok, so yeah. That was it. It really was much more horrible than it comes across. Sorry for the PG rating too by the way.
Ok well in the time i've written this blog Josh has: smashed a banana all over himself and floor. pooped his diaper. poured a cup of water on the ottoman. put 15 crayons in the cup with an eighth of an inch of water in it. used an orange crayon to color on the armoire. busted the gate down to get out of the living room. shaked his booty to Dora and loved it. used the colors to poke fat cat til she gets up and leaves without biting or swiping at him because she has far more patience than i do.
So now I have to go. gotta change a diaper and clean up smushed banana with water now dripping on it.

Steve - o

2008-09-25T20:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been fussed at because I built suspense with the "stay tuned next time" and I haven't posted anything yet. I've also been told that someone wants more of "dr. skinny" which is funny because I have a hilarious blog about my class today but I'll write that tomorrow. Tonite before I go to bed I'll spill the beans and give you our news (which i think by now most of you have heard.)

When I married William, I got a two - for - one package deal. Along with William came his sweet as sugar just turned 7 year old son. William had done a fantastic job raising Steven alone and it was part of the reason I married him. The day we got married Steve got a ring out of the gumball machine and gave it to me. He figured Dad was giving me a ring, he might as well too! :) Steven was a fantastic kid. I wish I had been old enough or mature enough to realize just how wonderful he was. We went through some rough years of adding in other siblings, etc, and I regret to this day I wasn't a better mama to him through several years. But, I'd grown up some and we'd become more comfortable, and by jr high - high school we did much better and I can honestly say to this day Steven is my son and one of my best friends. He is incredibly kind hearted, a wonderful big brother, a fantastic artist, and drives a cool jeep that runs on occasion-ha!

Steve is now 19 years old. He lives with some guys in a house here in town. He works on campus at ITS and at Bops where he is a shift supervisor (we're so proud.) We don't see him too much now, except when he's out of food or needs a hair cut or to borrow money. :) I miss my boy.

Steve ACTUALLY went on vacation with us this summer. It was great. He got to really get some hanging out time with the kids..... who adore him..... and even managed to play with Dad out in the water.

Steven tried attending college at MSU. He figured out (after enrolling 3 semesters.... i didn't say attending, I said enrolling) that it really wasn't his thing.
Steven called us a few weeks ago and said he was going to meet with the Air Force recruiter and wanted his dad to go with him. They went, and they talked. Steven went to Jackson for his physical stuff, and a couple of weeks ago my son was sworn into the United States Air Force! We are so thrilled for him. For the first time in a couple of years, Steve is happy again, and has a spark to him. He's found a purpose, a goal. He knows what he wants now. He's so excited.
He will probably not leave for basic training (San Antonio, TX) until January but it could possibly be sooner. Until then he's just working and hanging out with his buddies and going to those awful MSU football games (ugh.)
So that's it. That's our news. My biggest baby is an airman now. We are just crazy proud. As he starts, we'll keep you all posted.
Ok, Paoli....... blog on Dr. Skinny tomorrow. I'm sleepy tonite!!!!! :)

Finished painting!!! I hate it!!!!

2008-09-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

I finally finished playing Michelangelo! The ceiling is done. Wanted to get the pictures on here. I don't like it at all. I think I will go back to do something different stuff to the sun. And, by the way, yes that is yellow on the clouds. The people who wanted me to paint them wanted all those colors in there. Not my taste, but they were happy, so hey! whatcha gonna do? Also, went to church today to start painting backdrop for Kidstuf and Tamar sat down and started painting the clouds for it, and DANG IT hers are better than mine. I am now questioning myself as an artist...... crap. That didn't come out right. I didn't say that to say Tamar is not a good artist. She is.... I've often said she's better than me.... But this is my thing. But anyway, these are the pics. Two blogs this week??? I'm on a role!!!!! Oh, and I'm also gonna send you pictures of what my shins look like every time I get done standing on that damn ladder painting. They are hurting really bad today!

Kirky-Dirk

2008-09-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, my computer is doing this thing where it 's underlining my words again. It's anytime I put pictures in. Sorry. Hope you can deal with it. Well, I thought I would use a few (ok, five) blogs to tell you a little about my kiddos (if you don't know them) and to kinda give you some updates on them. We have some pretty exciting ones now..... and some even more exciting ones to come. So you need to stay tuned!!! I've been trying forever to get the video interview they showed at Kirk's baptism, but I decided to just go ahead and post without it. It will probably be long, or I may divide it into two. Sorry.
About a year or two ago, Kirkland prayed with her father and I and accepted Jesus as her Savior. Eventually, she worked up enough courage and walked to the front of CrossPoint Baptis Church to make a profession of faith, and be baptized. Well, Crosspoint doesn't have conventionaly facilites and before they could get her baptized we changed churches. So, fast forward to April this year, and we joined Calvary Baptist as a family, and Kirkland said she was ready to be baptized. So these are the pictures of my sweetie on the day of her baptism with Bro. Grant Arinder. We were so proud!!! She was so big!!! My mom and my grandmother were there as well. What a grand moment in our lives.

So, I'll use this little blog about Kirkland.... there's so much to say I could probably write a novel. Many of you know Kirk, but you don't know her like we do. Some of the things I may tell you about Kirkland may sound negative, but really they aren't. They are truth. It is a truth that we as a family are learning to not over look or think we can "fix" but a truth we are learning to accept. Acceptance is not defeat, just the process of realizing there is a problem and dealing with it as it comes.
Kirkland Carol Durr was the first child born to William and I. She is named after our mothers. She was due July 15, 1997 and born July 24, 1997. I tell you that because it is significant. From her due date (and honestly, before) Kirkland grew and grew. By the time she was born she weighed in at 8 lbs. 15 oz. (the nurse said she peed right before they weighed her or she would've been 9!) When I had Kirkland, she was too big. I've been told by more than one dr. since then that Kirkland should've been a c-section. She was way too high up when I went into labor, it was my first baby, and she had a really big head/shoulders. But nope, the doctors there made the bad call to try to push her on through. I had no pain medicine with Kirkland. They told me there was not time. Things were so critical I didn't even get a local anesthetic shot to block anything as I delivered as most women do. Kirkland's shoulders got stuck, and the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times. I remember there were like ten people in the room with us... most of them holding my legs ..... they were desperate to get her out.
Well, out the poor thing finally came after doing unspeakable amounts of damage to me and the one thing I remember saying as soon as she was born was "Thank God!" the next thing I remembered was there was no crying. That brought me in focus. William had not even been able to cut the cord because the dr had been so frantically trying to get the cord off my little purple baby. Finally she cried!!! I held her for just a minute and then she was taken straight to the nursery where she spent the rest of her first day in an incubator receiving oxygen.

Well, Kirkland always was very slow to do anything!!! She was 16 months old when she walked. She was pushing 4 before she was making complete sentences . At age 3, lo and behold, we brought her home a sister. Well that didn't go over well!!! Kirkland was the first grandchild on my side of the family and my first baby so she was extremely doted on. Emily the charmer came along and took some of her thunder!!!!! So some problems began to become more obvious to us, but we attributed so much of it to Emily coming along.
When Kirk had just turned 5, she started Kindergarten just like everyone else. We knew by Christmas she would have to repeat it. Her teacher said she was just a little immature, and we took her word for it. She repeated Kindergarten and did better. Then when she started first grade, some other problems really starting showing up. Kirkland wasn't getting school. There were somethings it just seemed like she couldn't learn. And then came the vomitting. Kirkland began throwing up every single day before school. This was about the same time we'd had Jay, so we thought she was faking it because she was leaving for school and Emily and Jay were staying home with us. But she was really throwing up. Everyday. The doctor thought she just had stomach ulcers or acid problems and put her on tagamet. Well, it didn't help. We finally had a doctor decide to allergy test her and found that Kirk was highly allergic to beef, eggs, dairy, corn, and whey. About this same time, Kirkland woke up one morning with her ankles as big as oranges. After going to doctor after doctor, from nephrologists for her kidneys (where we found out she only has one!) to her regular doctor, we finally wound up with Dr. Ray in Jackson at UMC where Kirkland was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). We've been through tons of medicine with Kirkland trying to get it under control. Dr. Ray says every joint in Kirkland's body is affected by her JRA. At one point, she was taking 7 pills a night, including a pill form of chemotherapy. We finally now have her on a once weekly injection of Embrel, and it is really helping. She still has flare ups, and still has pain and swelling, but it's helping to control the deterioration in her joints and is helping the flareups become less frequent.
This is a pic on a flare up day. I'm sorry the blog is doing the underlining thing again, and sorry this is so long.
When Kirk was in 3rd grade we move d her to the Christian School here in town. While they were so sweet and we love that school and the people there, we moved Kirk back to the public school for 4th grade. We needed the programs for her we could get through the public school. You see, Kirk 's brain just isn't operating quick enough to keep up. We had her evaluated by a psychiatrist or psychothereapist or something because Dr. Ski thought possibly she had Cerebal Palsy. But upon evaluation, the doctor determined that she didn't. She just has learning disabilities, anxiety disorder, and a very low IQ. Mentally, it's estimated in some ways Kirkland is about 5 years behind where she should be. It has been SO tough for us to come to grips with this , and in a lot of ways I still don't think we have. We are working through the school system to get all the help we can with Kirkland to help her achieve at the fullest of her potential. But there are some things we just don't know how to fix, how to explain, how to handle. Emily is really passing Kirkland in so many ways. Kirkland doesn't understand why Emily has friends she visits, spends the night with, goes to parties, etc. Kirkland doesn't have much in common with girls her age. While they ask for ipods and cellphones , etc...... Kirk asks for baby doll s and dollhouses. She is starting to have problems with anger/frustration issues and I honestly think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she is so frustrated that she understands there is something wrong and she just doesn't know how to fix it. There are times I'm actually thankful that Kirk is still innocent in so many ways. But it also makes it difficult when she hears things at school , etc, and I have to try to explain things to Kirkland who is just not ready for it emotionally!!!! And the child has no "filter" on her thoughts and what she says. She just says whatever she is thinking about whether or not it's appropriate or not!!!! Wanna talk about finding myself in some awkward situations??? :)
But overall, Kirkland is one of the sweetest children you will ever meet. She is so loving and so eager to please. She also made it into VIVA art this year!! While her attention span is pretty short, she's a very good artist when she wants to be. She says when she grows up she wants to be an artist like me ( aw!) or a chef... but I really think she means baker or pastry chef.... she wants to make cakes, cookies, pies, etc. I think she'd be wonderful at it!!! We love our sweet oldest girl so much.
Ok, I'm really sorry this has been so long, with Kirk there's a lot to tell! And I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I have enough people telling me that we just need to "try harder", and that Kirk just "wants to be that way." We are coming to grips with the hurdles ahead and learning the best way to do things. Also wanted some of you, who don't really know Kirk, to know a little about her. Also, knowing Kirkland's and our struggles, you can lift up a prayer occassionally for us. So, next one will be about Steven I think.... if you don't already know our news, then I guess you should tune in in next week or so!!!! :)

what we've been up to this week.....

2008-08-29T07:31:00.000-07:00

Well, this ought to be boring! :) No, seriously, we have been SO BUSY. Our schedules are just nuts and running all together and smashing up and just all over the place. One big thing is William's classes started this week. We sat there last night and he showed me all of his classes and I'm just gonna tell you ..... he's insane if he keeps this full schedule of classes. I have full faith that William can do it. I know he can. I'm just wondering how many more gray hairs he will have come December. Most of the classes are ok, pretty cut and dry, but his Biology class is crazy!!!! Wow. I'm glad that my classes aren't like his. He is just eating it up though. I'm so proud of him for finally doing this. He's so smart. He should've done it years ago.... I should've pushed him more. But really, the reason he's getting to take a full schedule like this is thanks to online courses and up until a couple of years ago that wasn't so common. So maybe the timing is right.
Monday Joshy had his 2 yr checkup. Got a great report as usual. He weighs 34 lbs and is 31 inches tall. He was a sweetie at his appt too. I love Dr. Ski.....This week I also started the first mural I'm doing for the business here in town. It's actually kinda in a bad part of town, but the guy who owns it just inherited all these properties. He's really trying to clean it up and he has some great ideas. In his favor are two things: one, the city has bought property on the corner right next to the business I'm painting to build a new Justice Complex (police dept, courtrooms, etc.) Nothing cleans up an area like adding a bunch of cops to the mix!!!Second, the Starkville Beautification Committee wants to focus interest (re: funding) to the area.... addding sidewalks, aesthetically pleasing lighting, etc. So ANYWAY.... I stayed there all day Wednesday painting. I am painting the ceiling of a patio .... he wants sun, clouds, etc. I got the sun done and one cloud... so today around lunch I am going back to finish the clouds. To complicate all of this, Tuesday the Police dept made this really smart (not) decision to make William's shift come in for a "training" exercise. He worked all weekend, slept some monday, then tues had to go to the thing .... well i was supposed to paint tues but couldn't because of the class. So William had to stay up Wed so I could go paint. Then he had to go to work Wed nite. Then yesterday was Thurs and he basically passed out!!! And I've been so crazy I got my days completely messed up. I got Jay up and got him ready for school and even took him up there.... my gosh. Jay doesn't GO TO SCHOOL ON THURSDAYS!!!!! My gosh. I felt so stupid. And on top of that, completely forgot that I had class that morning and an assignment due so I missed that too. DANG IT. I was upset.... I actually love to go to class. Sigh. On top of all of this I am in charge of the family production of KidStuf at church... it's an awesome program we're starting here and it is not being done around here. So therefore, its taking a lot of research on my part. So I've been working on that as well. As well as being in charge of it, Tamar and I are designing and overseeing the building of the stage. So needless to say, I'm kinda nuts right now. But honestly, I couldn't be happier!!! I am busy, but with things I want to be busy with. And I've kept my house clean too!!! My mother had to come help me clean up about a week ago cause I had gotten so behind and I don't care what I have to do to keep it clean so I don't have to do that again. Lord I hate to listen to that woman talk about how bad of a housekeeper I am. So I've been working hard to keep everything clean. Thrown in the mix are Emily's soccer practices....... I don't foresee anything slowing down for several months, honestly. But it's great. I'm ready to start on the (literally) 20' x 40' mural ..... wow, the challenges that brings!!! My grandmother has images of me flying around on harnesses and wires.... I don't think it will quite that bad!!!! but..... that could be fun!!!!!!!
Look for a blog entry about Kirkland and her Baptism coming up...........

Cats and Dogs

2008-08-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

We, for the most part of our married life, have been a pet free family with the exception of one old fat cat. I love that cat. We got her 8 years ago from our vet.... she was older, fixed.... exactly what I wanted. You see, the more children I've had, the shorter my patience has gotten. So I have no time for a kitten or puppy. Thus the old, fat, set in her ways cat has always been a perfect fit. I tried to find a picture of her because I know we have plenty but for some reason I couldn't and I got tired of looking. :) Ok.. just added this pic of my fat cat because I forgot about it. They were sitting there and my sister was here and she said, "you need to take a picture of those two big booties together," so i did!!!
Well, fast forward to this spring and for SOME REASON we decided we were ready for a dog. So after much searching and thinking and talking to people, we decided to go to a rescue organization to get a dog... and then decided on Basset Hounds... then decided on Bonnie. We got Bonnie around the end of May. She is such a sweet dog with issues. She is as pretty as a picture. But why in the crap did I decide I needed another thing to bathe, feed, take care of, and clean up it's puke??? And we have already established I'm not the best housekeeper, and yet I bring in this thing that sheds all over my house! But I guess the good outweighs the bad: the children love her, she greets us at the door when we've been gone for an hour like she hasn't seen us in a week, she makes us laugh, and she tries to be a guard dog. William gets so tickled that she sleeps in a bean bag. She has her cute little dog bed and most of the time, she chooses to curl her big self up in the boys bean bags. One thing about Bonnie though... she's a basset hound. She loves to lay around and sleep. She gets wound up and wants to play every now and then, but mostly she just wants to turn over so you can rub her belly!!!! So, I guess that's why William decided to throw this latest surprise on us and tell us he wants to get this kitten from our insurance lady. He shows me this pic of this sweet little kitten. I definitely had my reservations, but I gave in and off we went to get the sweet little kitten. Well obviously she'd taken that pic about 3 months before then!!!! Cause this was a 3 month old (i called him adolescent) kitten. But he was adorable and the children fell for him immediately, and so off we came to bring him home. There were many names discussed on the ride home because he'd been called Cocoa and William said no, he needed a "manly, cool" name since this was going to be another male to take up residence in our home. So he got pegged Bubba. Yep, we have a cat named Bubba. Bubba is a pain in my ass. He gets into EVERYTHING. Seriously, I have a 2 year old who already does that for me, I have no idea why I have to have an animal to do it too. This cat jumps on my table and has now discovered my counter tops. Don't let him in your room at nite....because he will attack your feet through the covers and use your hair as a playtoy. He scratched on my couch....my fat kitty has NEVER scratched my couch. He attacks fat kitty and she's not real keen on that. But there are times when he is so sweet. And he can be so cute sleeping in his strange spots and strange positions that I usually have to grab a camera.And the other thing that Bubba has done has been to become Bonnie's best buddy. They have the best time together and it really is so funny to sit and watch them. They chase each other around this house.... we call them the "Bonnie - Bubba Express." You can hear them coming down the hall. They share each other's food. When Bonnie is wanting Bubba to play she'll get down on floor with her tail wagging and start moving her head back and forth in front of Bubba and barking at him. (ok, its doing that weird blue underlining thing again... WHAT is up with that???)They really are sweet. And now they've started sleeping together!!!How sweet are they? So I guess Bonnie and Bubba aren't so bad. They really do make me smile. And the boys need a dog .... and I guess a cat.... to grow up with and throw balls with and stuff. Just don't wear black pants to my house. :)
Ok, maybe this cheered you up after my last entry.... sorry!!!!!

Thoughts on my first day of school

2008-08-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Just to warn you ahead of time so you can't say you weren't warned.... this one will be long and could possibly turn sappy. Oh... and just learned LeRoi Moore, the saxophonist for the Dave Matthews Band passed away yesterday at 47. I'm crushed. But anyway.... on to the first day of school......
I set foot in a college classroom today for the first time in 8 yrs. William and I have enrolled in school this fall.... he is attending EMCC full time and I am attending MSU...one class, Algebra (God help me) online, and Creative Writing on campus. I lack about 3 -4 semesters before finishing my Elem Ed degree and basically algebra is holding me back. I needed another humanities course because one of my concentrations is in English.
I was a nervous wreck this morning. "Please let this be a class of a hundred people," I thought (my backspace button isn't working right and it is making me MAD. just so you knew.) But nope. I walked into Lee Hall room 206 today to a class of about 12 - 15 CHILDREN. I have a good 10 - 12 yrs on the oldest CHILD in the room. Half of them have a laptop on their desk... i have my little binder and pen. The desks are in this weird "L" formation in the tiny shoebox of a room... most of the desks being on the "long" side, and 4 desks sticking out in front. All of them are about 18 inches apart. OF COURSE I have to squeeze my birthed-four-kids hips into the front row of the dang part sticking out. I immediately pick up my phone to text william. One, to look like I had people that want to talk to me... two, to show I'm "down" with technology. I literally thought I would vomit.
Well in walks the skinny little "dr." that looks about 26 that will be teaching the class. Her syllabus is like 5 -6 pgs front and back and reads like a new yorker article. Oh yeah, and we got to introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourselves.... I cannot tell you how horrifying that was for me. As Dr. Skinny continues to read over her novel, a.k.a syllabus, I feel tears just welling up in my eyes. I honestly had to fight tears. I had 3 forceful emotions wash over me during my little class today.
1. Fear. I have not been this scared in a really long time. I just don't think I'm as smart as I used to be. I do not know if I can do this....especially algebra. Maybe I'm too far gone.... too far removed. I have to present each piece in the writing class I write to the class for criticism. Unbeknown to most people I write a lot. But it is generally thrown away or locked away somewhere deep inside of me. I'm scared of making a fool of myself. I absolutely despise criticism. I know I deserve it...need it... but I hate it. It shuts me down. I'm afraid of what it will do to my approach to my writing. So I'm scared of not being able to do it... and of putting myself out there. I just don't really do that a whole lot.
2. Overwhelmed. I am totally, completely overwhelmed. My house is a wreck. I am coordinating a new children's program at church. I am the PTA Boxtop coordinator for Overstreet Elem. I am taking these two classes. Emily is in soccer. Both girls have homework. I've been asked to paint a mural at a local business that could lead to at least one other, higher profile one. Kirkland needs all the attention she can get. My 5 unbelievable children, hardworking husband, and 3 pets crave my attention. And then I read the intro to Algebra and don't understand a damn thing and then I get this dang novel/syllabus for this class that involves a lot ..... I know people do this all the time but I'm thinking they are better, more organized people that I am!!!
3. Yearning. I felt JC all in that building... the words in the syllabus... the words even coming out of my mouth at times. I haven't taken a writing class without her since I've been married. I need her. I've known I miss her... of course. I had whole counseling sessions about trying to deal with losing her. I lost an ally, I lost one of my best friends, I lost one of the very very few people in this world that understood me all the way to my core. Believe it or not, JC and I were so much alike. I know she was my mother in law.... I Know that there are glaring initial differences. But we completely understood each other. We spent more hours at her house when she was still in Starkville reading my writing... critiquing it, getting off on talks of other literature, movies, thoughts, etc. But even more than the obvious English connections for missing her, I missed that talk I could've had with her after that class. I can imagine calling her and going over that syllabus and repeating all that Dr. Skinny had said. Telling her the examples I gave and hearing her laugh the way she did when I made her laugh and she got that good belly laugh.... her congratulating me on my thoughts. She would've eaten up my telling her about the morning as much as I would've eaten up telling her. I lost someone who truly, truly believed in me. That's a lot to lose. One of the very last nites JC was coherent we had the most meaningful conversation we ever had ... in her broken up talking, trying to get out words... she said more to me than she ever had. She'd been trying to communicate with me and I just wasn't getting it. I got so frustrated because I WANTED to know what she was trying to tell me. I couldn't stand this woman of great words not be able to explain herself to me and I was FURIOUS at myself for not getting it... for not being able to try harder to make it out. I laid my forehead on her hands and just cried. I told her I was so sorry. All of a sudden she lifted my head up so I could look at her and said to me in the very clear JC voice... "Don't you EVER apologize for yourself. Don't you ever apologize to ME. You are everything. You are everything... you are wonderful... my daughter. I love you. Don't EVER apologize for you." I have locked those few sentences away in me forever. In what she could get out... she told me not to apologize for what I am. Everything I need is in me. So everyday I try to hold it... I use it. I constantly apologize for myself, and I shouldn't. I am who I am, and its ok! And when I start getting down on me I think about that nite. And I will do my absolute best to get through this class with only her words in my heart. I will make her proud. Because she loved to take pride in me and the rest of her family. I lost so much when we lost her. But I also hold so much of her in me. I hope I never ever lose the part of me that she helped to form and shape. My God... I miss her so much.
So, here it goes. William and I are starting this little journey without our pepsquad JC. I know she's proud.

By the way, I'm gonna write about the dog and cat tomorrow so I can get past this miserable little entry. :)

paint, paint everywhere

2008-08-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

My girls have finally gotten their own rooms. They've always shared a room but in the past couple of weeks we decided to move our bedroom to the bonus room and give the girls their own rooms. I am arranging them and painting them and trying to make them cute girl rooms that reflect my girls. It's taking forever. I get in there to paint and I have the girls coming in wanting to help. Then an animal, or two, or three come wandering in there and I start having a stroke thinking they're going to step in paint. I decided to let the girls put the first coat on Kirkland's tv armoire because I didn't figure they could mess it up.... dang, you should've seen the thing. I've never seen paint so streaky and gooped up. But I fixed it...took 3 coats... and it looks good now. I will take pics of the girls rooms when I'm done so you can see.
When I was working on it the first nite, instead of rinsing out the little mini roller I was using, William just wrapped it in foil and said it would be fine. Well it wasn't fine. Because Josh.... our little "don't take your eye off him for a second" baby.....found the roller the next morning while I was changing clothes and proceeded to paint his head, his pajamas, his feet, MY WALL, and MY LEATHER COUCH. I managed to get to it while it was wet and clean it off my couch. The wall will have to be repainted. This child.... I swear... he's the same reason we have art work all over the house on walls, doors, tvs, furniture.... we always think we have pencils, markers, crayons, etc put up but the little joker always finds some. He colored all over himself with a hot pink permanent sharpie marker this weekend. We still haven't gotten it all off. He had to go to church partially "decorated" sunday morning. I guess it'll wear off eventually. And eventually he'll grow out of it...maybe. I mean, I'm still painting and drawing on walls! :)

First day(s) of school

2008-08-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

3 of the 6 of us started school this week. Jay started school wed, and the girls started thurs. Jay was up and at 'em wednesday morning. His father took him, and picked him up. I did take pictures as he was leaving... I'm not totally a bad mother.

He goes to FUMC mon - wed from 8:30 - 11:30 each day. He said there was one bad kid in the room but wasn't able to give me names so I could check up on this bad kid. He said everyone was nice, and he liked his teacher. He usually has these quirky, funny observations to make about things, but he really didn't wed. I'm sure it was just the first day so he was sizing things up and settling in. He'll prob have more to say next week. Not real sure why this paragraph or so is blue and underlined? that's odd.

The girls started thurs. I let their father take them too. And this time I let him take the pics, too. On my behalf, I was finishing up filling out paperwork while he was taking the pics, and I did go to their open houses the day before so I did participate! Emily, of course, complained the whole morning..."Great, now we're going to be late!" (we weren't); "Come on Kirkland, you are making everyone late!" (she wasn't); "why can't I take my lunch!!". Kirkland just goes with the flow for the most part... she only got a little sick that morning, which was great! They both said school was great... like their teachers, like their class. So far, so good.
I took them to school the next morning. We got there in plenty of time.... kids did really well. Only bad thing was this conversation from the back of car:

kirkland: "MAMA!!!! EMILY IS USING THAT WORD AGAIN!!!!!"
me: "what word, kirkland?"
kirkland: "idiotic!!!"

So, apparently emily has learned a new word and is using it often. While trying not to laugh, I told Emily this wasn't appropriate. I'm sure she'll replace it with a new one in a day or so.
Of course I had to rehash the morning with my best friend Tamar. She had a similar experience with her boys which cracked me up so I had to share. She said that she had to beat hers to get them out of the house, and I think pretty much whole way to school. It seems her boys (same age as my girls) had a huge argument over who had called who "gay" the most times the day before. She told them they could quit that crap and have it one way or the other: listen to the radio in the mornings, or the "insane mother show!" Ah, so accurate!!!!

I guess I'm starting a blog

2008-08-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'm starting a blog. I'm not real sure why yet. I know that I have tons of knowledgeable info and witty observations that I should be sharing with everyone, but I know I will never think of any of it while I'm "blogging." We are a pretty active family with no relatives in town, so I guess that could be another reason. I have also contemplated having 2 blogs, one G-rated with newsy stuff about the family and such, and one that is not G-rated that is just a "ginnie blog." Who knows, it may evolve into that one of these days. So, for the time being, I guess I'll just use this to document what is going on with the fam.